


No Common Ground To Start From

by Duck_Life



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Flirting, F/F, First Kiss, High School Musical References, Lacrosse, Lesbian Rey (Star Wars), M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5750326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe's trying to juggle lacrosse, schoolwork, his best friend's sudden cold shoulder, and his new crush on the cute hall monitor. Rey's just trying to survive freshman year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Start of Something New

Converse soles squeak against linoleum as Poe Dameron whips around a corner, narrowly dodging a trashcan. As he runs past a bulletin board, flyers and club information and reminders for picture day whoosh backward. A custodian gives him a look but he just sprints faster.

And he would’ve made it, too, if it weren’t for the sharply dressed kid at the end of the hall who snags him by the collar of his varsity jacket.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the boy asks.

“Well,” Poe says, glancing at the fancy Hall Monitor badge fixed to the other boy’s lapel, “I was thinking of going to Fiji. Could use a vacation.” He winks. “Kind of looks like you could, too.”

“You’re five minutes tardy.”

“And you’re only making me later, buddy. You guys ever realize that? This whole system is flawed. Discipline really shouldn’t override my need for an edu-”

The hall monitor pulls out a pad of late slips. “What’s your name?”

“Poe,” he says, groaning inwardly. “Poe Dameron. What’s yours?” The hall monitor just shoots him a look before returning to writing him up. “Listen,” Poe says, dropping his voice. “Here’s the thing, okay? Here’s what the thing is. I’m on the lacrosse team. And if I get five tardies, I get put on suspension.”

The hall monitor’s demeanor does not change. “And how many tardies do you have?”

Poe glances down at the partially-completed slip. “I’m sittin’ at four and a half right now.” Hall Monitor Guy rolls his eyes but pauses in filling out the form. “Alright, don’t let me slide for me. Do it for you! Wouldn’t you like to make someone’s day _better_ for once?” Hall Monitor Guy continues to hesitate. “Come on. Pretty please?” He’s putting on the charm. He’s putting on the helpless puppy act. He’s using every weapon at his disposal.

“Fine,” Hall Monitor Guy sighs, tucking the pad in an inside pocket of his jacket. “Just this once.”

“Totally!” Poe says, beaming. “Next time you catch me, feel free to give me _two_ tardies. You know, make up for this one.”

“Don’t make me change my mind,” the guy grumbles, escorting him down the hallway. “Where are you headed?”

“Room 2187,” Poe says, trying and failing to hide his grin. “Solo’s class.”

“Follow my lead,” Hall Monitor Guy says, “and don’t let this happen again.”

“Yes, sir,” Poe says, mock-saluting as he marches on. When they get to the classroom, Hall Monitor Guy does all the talking and Poe just stands there and looks pretty.

“Poe here was helping out in the library,” Hall Monitor Guy explains. “You know ever since… with Mr. Tekka gone, the library assistants can use the, well, assistance.” Poe’s pretty sure Solo’s not buying it, but with Hall Monitor Guy throwing in the mention of Tekka, his eyes soften. Poe’s impressed; Hall Monitor Guy is quite the liar.

He’s also considering changing Hall Monitor Guy’s moniker to Cute Hall Monitor Guy but, well, that’s not exactly the most helpful thought at the moment.

“Thank you,” Solo says to Cute Hall Monitor Guy, and nods at him to leave. “Take your seat, Poe.”

Poe beelines for his desk and slings his backpack to the left of it, sliding into his seat. He doesn’t need to look at the seat beside him to know that Rey’s judging him.

Solo resumes teaching and Rey slides her notebook to the corner of her desk so Poe can see that she’s written _Overslept?_ on the page. He nods and she rolls her eyes.

On his own paper, Poe writes, _Homeward Bound was on late last night. Had to stay up and finish it._

_NERD._

“Miss Skywalker-Antilles,” Solo says, calling her out without even looking away from the board. “What do you think? Should I read that note to the rest of the class?”

“No sir, Mr. Solo sir,” she says, straightening up in her seat as if she’s being respectful. Everyone in the class already knows she’s just sassing her uncle, just like everyone in the class knows he’s just messing with her. “Actually, I don’t have a problem sharing it. I was just pointing out that, um, Poe here is a nerd who loves talking animal movies.”

“Tell us something we don’t know,” Solo sighs, continuing to draw the map on the board and returning to geography.

Meanwhile, in the front office, Secretary Arthur Deetoo’s frantically trying to scrape all of his gum wrappers, eraser shavings, receipts, rubber bands, and broken paper clip bits onto his side of the desk so they’re not cluttering the pristine organization on the other side.

“Morning,” Principal Organa says to him, sweeping into the front office. “Where’s your husband? He’s supposed to be doing the announcements.”

“Really?” Deetoo says, curling his lip. “You know he always fucks up the announcements.”

“Watch your language.”

“Sorry. No filter,” he says, still attending to the chaos on his side of the desk. “Which, incidentally, is why he’s not here. There’s no more coffee filters so he went to get some.”

“Oh, right,” she says, shaking her head. “Like _coffee’s_ the most important thing in the galaxy.”

At that moment, her brother steps into the front office carrying a Tupperware container in one hand and a drink tray in the other; one of the three Starbucks cups bears her name. “Hey, I brought you a coff-”

“Oh thank God, I love you,” she says, grabbing the cup so fast she nearly upsets the other two. She downs a swig of the latte before saying another word, not caring how hot it is. “Luke Skywalker, you’re my hero.”

“I try,” he smirks.

“I like coffee, too,” Deetoo mumbles.

“Sorry, Art,” Luke says, gesturing with the Tupperware to show off his one prosthetic hand. “But I only have so many hands. Just one, actually.”

“It’s not like there’s not four slots in the goddamn drink carrier.”

“Oh, ignore him,” Leia says, taking another sip of her drink. “What are you doing here?”

Again, he gestures with the Tupperware. “Wedge forgot his lunch at home, I was bringing it in.”

“Aw, aren’t you the best husband in the world?” she says, looking mildly exasperated. “Now, just to contrast, _this_ is what Han left for me on the staff fridge this morning.” She waves a Post-It in his face.

“‘Have a good day, Sugar Tits,’” Luke reads out loud. “Well… that’s…”

“That’s Han,” she groans. “Go put that in the fridge before it goes bad.”

“Right,” he says, disappearing into the hallway behind her. As soon as he’s gone, the other secretary comes barreling into the office.

“Principal!” he says, panting. “Principal, so sorry I’m late. We were out of-”

“Coffee filters, I heard,” she says, eyes flicking to the package of filters tucked under his arm. “Go put that in the kitchen. And then you’re supposed to do the announcements!”

“Right away! Will do!” he says, heading for the hallway Luke just went down.

As soon as he’s gone, Leia sighs and leans against Deetoo’s desk. “He _is_ going to fuck up the announcements,” she agrees. Steve Threepio’s an anxious man. He speaks clearly enough, when his nerves don’t get the best of him. He once mangled the announcements so poorly that he told the entire school that the meeting of the Future Farmers of America would be held at the Hilton, and that the prom was taking place in the Lars’ barn.  

When Threepio gets back to the desk, he immediately notices the snapped rubber band that ended up in his chair. Deetoo mumbles something apologetic and swipes it to the floor. When his husband remains standing, Deetoo rolls his eyes, picks up the rubber band, and drops it in the wastebasket.

Threepio takes his seat finally and pulls the sheet of the day’s announcements toward him, flattening out the somewhat wrinkled paper. He pulls the mic toward himself, straightens his tie, clears his throat, and begins.

“Good morning, students! Today is Friday, September 2nd. Lacrosse tryouts will begin— I’m forgetting something, aren’t I?” He glances toward Deetoo, brow furrowed. Arthur Deetoo just shakes his head and taps the mic— the light’s off. “The intercom! Oh my! I forgot I turned it off.”

Remedying this, he begins the day’s announcements.

“Hey,” Poe says to Rey, with their teacher’s attention diverted now that announcements have begun. “Can I copy your Classics notes?”

“Why?” she says, attention divvied up between Threepio, Poe, and the dragon she’s been extensively doodling on her notebook. “You actually made it on time to that class.”

“You know I can’t understand a word Chewie says.”

“His name is Dr. Chewbacca,” she replies, mock-indignant, “and he’s brilliant.”

“I’m sure he is,” Poe says, “but he sounds like a garbage disposal when he talks.”

Rey shakes her head. “You know what, you would sound funny too if you came from… wherever the hell it is he’s from.”

“You only know what he’s saying because you’ve known him since you were, like, five.”

She shrugs and adds a spine to her dragon drawing. “I can’t change my own history.”

“Yeah, and you can’t name one member of the faculty that you’re not at least tangentially related to,” he says, poking her in the arm with the tip of his eraser.

She aims an elbow at him and misses. “Okay, first of all, that’s small town syndrome. Second of all, _hello_ , adopted, technically I’m related to _no one_.”

“It still _counts_.”

“And _third of all_ ,” she says, the slight British lilt leftover from when she was five years old coming out as she tries to emphasize her point, “Phasma!”

“Oh, yeah, you’re not related to her,” Poe says, grinning. “Good thing, too, considering your gross crush on her.”

“Oh, shut up,” she says. “I don’t have a gross crush on her.”

“It’s disgusting, Rey. She’s a _math_ teacher. _Math_.”

“Fine, math is gross, but I don’t have a _crush_ on her,” Rey says, though the blush beginning to creep across her face says otherwise. “I just… really like her. And respect her. And sometimes I think it would be sorta cool if I stayed afterschool with her for math help and our hands touched and then she was like ‘no, you’re a student, it’s wrong,’ but then when I’m old enough we run away together to Canada and live in a tiny log cabin and eat maple syrup and spoon a lot.” Poe snorts. “Whatever! Everyone has teacher crushes.”

“I don’t have a teacher crush.”

“You do so.”

“Nope.”

“Everyone does, Poe. Who is it?” Poe shakes his head. “C’mon, please? Pretty please? Tell me? Pretty please with cherries on top?”

“I hate cherries.”

“Pretty please with Kahlua on top?”

Poe keeps shaking his head, but Rey’s puppy-dog-eyes and lip-stuck-out look can topple stronger men than him. “I hate you.”

“Ooh, who is it?” Poe just nods, and she squints in confusion. He jerks his head again, and she turns to look in the direction he’s nodding. Toward the front of the classroom. “NO. _No_. Ew. Eww.”

“You asked!”

“ _He’s my uncle_.”

“Oh, but you’re _adopted_ , remember?” he says, waggling his eyebrows. “You _said—_ ”

“I know what I said! I know! Shut up!” She’s flapping her hands in annoyance. Over the intercom, Threepio stumbles over the proper pronunciation of the neighboring high school’s name. “You’re not allowed to have a teacher crush on my uncle.”

At that moment, her uncle pops up behind them. “What are you two yammering about?”

“Geography!”

“Yeah, geography,” Rey squeaks.

“Isn’t it amazing,” Poe says, “how all those countries are just… there? And they just stay there all the time?”

“Sure,” Han Solo says, glancing between the two of them. “You two are gonna study this weekend, right?”

“Totally,” Rey says. “Studying’s my favorite.”

“Sure,” Solo says. “Nice dragon.”


	2. When It Started To Begin

Class lets out after Threepio finishes stumbling through the announcements. When Rey pours out of the classroom with the tide of students, she immediately spots her dad walking out of the gym and runs to him.

“Hey, kiddo,” Luke says, sweeping her into a hug. “Don’t you have class?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Your father forgot his lunch,” he says, flicking her ponytail. “C’mon, aren’t you embarrassed to be seen with your dad?”

“Well, yeah,” she giggles, “but not _you_.”

“I’m telling him you said that.”

“It’s just that everybody hates him because he won’t let them play dodgeball,” she sighs. “ _Everybody_ wants to play dodgeball, Dad. _Everybody_. Tell him _that._ ”

“Tough being the gym teacher’s kid, huh?” Luke says, glancing up. “Imagine how it is being the principal’s kid.” He waves to Ben, who definitely notices him but doesn’t wave back. “They changed your lunch period when you added Psych, right? Why don’t you sit with your cousin today?”

“ _Dad_.”

“He’s going through a lot,” Luke says, watching Ben climb the stairs, adamantly not turning back to look at him and Rey. “Still.”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” she says, scowling. “He’s taking it out on us.”

“Rey.”

“I have to go to class.” She ducks out of his reach but he pulls her back by the hand.

“Okay, love you.”

“Love you,” she says, squeezing his hand and then letting it trail out of hers as she walks away.

At lunch, Rey doesn’t sit with Ben. Or she doesn’t sit with Kylo Ren, the weird-ass nickname he started insisting upon being called last year.

Instead, Poe drags her over to sit with his lacrosse buddies. “Hey, guys,” he says, nudging her forward. “You remember Rey, right?”

All of them shake their heads no except for Temmin “Snap” Wexley, who points excitedly at her and goes, “Yeah, you’re the girl from that time Dameron tutored at the middle school.”

“What?” Poe says. “No, that was someone else.”

“Oh. Then no.”

“Okay, let’s try again,” Poe says, jabbing a thumb at Rey. “Everybody, this is Rey. Rey, this is everybody.”

“Hi,” one girl says, spinning around in her seat to wave to Rey. Her dark hair is pulled into a loose side-braid; her eyes sparkle. Rey feels a little jolt in her stomach. “I’m Jess. People sometimes call me Testor.”

“And I’m Snap and you do not need to know my real name because it’s terrible,” says Snap, waving at her with his chopsticks before digging into the lo mein he brought from home.

“So you all have cool nicknames?” Rey says. “What’s Poe’s?”

“Oh, Poe doesn’t have a nickname,” Jess says. “Poe just makes them up.”

“But you can always improvise,” Snap says with a shrug. “Casa-Poe-va. Barack Poe-bama. Poe Biden. Edgar Allen. Dipsy, Tinky-Winky, Lala. Poe Boy From a Poe Family.”

“That’s enough.”

“…Poe-stage Stamp.”

“Have a seat, Rey,” Jess says, patting the seat beside her while simultaneously rolling her eyes at Snap. Rey sits down quickly, setting her lunch bag on the table. “You’re Coach Antilles’ daughter, right?”

 _Crap_. “Um…”

“I love that guy,” Snap says, one noodle trailing out of his mouth. “Man doesn’t believe in cruel competition. Just athletics for athletics’ sake. We need more gym teachers like him. Hell, we need more people in this world like him.”

“Athletics for athletics’ sake?” Poe says, still not sitting down. “You broke a guy’s nose last week. During a practice.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs again, “do as I say not as I do, ya know?”

“Your dad’s really cool,” Jess assures her. “And he’s the only gym teacher I’ve ever known of who gets that sometimes, girls have to sit out once a month.”

Snap snickers. “You mean because of your cycles?”

“Because we’re all werewolves, Wexley, eat your fucking noodles.” She flicks a baby carrot at him. Rey watches the whole exchange a little bit in awe.

“I’ll be right back,” Poe says, ducking away and leaving Rey alone with the lacrosse players. With Jess watching him out of the corner of her eye, he makes his way to the table on the far left of the cafeteria where the junior marshals, honor society members, and hall monitors all congregate.

A few confused looks get thrown his way, but despite his immense likability, Poe’s not really popular enough for people to care who he’s talking to at lunch.

“Hey,” he says, tapping Cute Hall Monitor Guy on the shoulder.

The guy jumps up like he’s been electrocuted. “What? What is it?”

“Whoa, easy, buddy,” he says, smiling. “I just wanted to say thank you again. You really saved my ass this morning.”

“Oh,” Cute Hall Monitor Guy says, glancing down at the floor and then back at Poe. “It was nothing.”

“It was _everything_ ,” Poe assures him, maybe looking at him a little too warmly for someone who just met the guy earlier today. “And I never did get your name.”

“Oh,” he says. “It’s, uh, Montgomery.”

“Montgomery?”

“Yeah.”

“No offense, but that’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard.”

“That’s… offensive.”

“Can’t be, I said ‘no offense,’” Poe says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Come on, what’s your middle name then?”

Cute Hall Monitor Guy— _Montgomery_ , apparently— stares at him for a long moment before speaking. “Finnegan.”

“Your name is _Montgomery Finnegan_?”

“It was my grandfather’s name.”

“Your grandfather had a stupid name.”

“Did you just come over here to insult me?”

“’Course not,” Poe says, and his hand’s still on the guy’s jacket. “Finnegan, huh? Finn, I’m gonna call you Finn. That alright with you?”

And, well, Montgomery Finnegan’s never had a nickname before, ever. His parents always just called him Montgomery and his friends… well, he’s never really had those before, either. “Finn,” he repeats, mulling it over. “Yeah, I like that.”

“Good to meet you, Finn,” Poe says, smiling at him. “See you around.” And then, just like that, he’s gone, leaving Finn with nothing but a new nickname and several _Who the fuck was that?_ looks from his tablemates.

“So,” Rey says as Poe joins them, “you guys don’t sit with, uh… Kylo?”

Awkward glances, downturned mouths. Rey regrets speaking. “Well, no,” Jess says finally, dropping her voice. “You know, he quit lacrosse after the accident, so… he doesn’t sit with us anymore.” Rey doesn’t see him anywhere in the cafeteria. She wonders if he even eats lunch. Her aunt and uncle are always talking about how much weight he’s lost.

“Who cares?” Snap says. “Guy’s a dick.”

“Snap,” Poe warns.

“What? It’s true.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to say it,” Poe says.

“Yeah, you don’t have to say everything just because it’s true. For example, Dameron here is gay as hell, doesn’t mean I need to _say_ it,” Jess says, neatly changing the subject. Poe starts telling them about his teacher crush and they get into a debate about whether Solo looked better in a vest or a jacket.

Rey sits quietly and tries not to think about her cousin, about the accident, about the way Luke had watched him from across the hallway.

As the final bell rings and thunderous vacating footsteps fill the halls, Leia manages to snag her son out of the throng, yanking him back by the backpack strap. “ _Ow_.”

“Sorry,” she says, not really sounding it. “Ben, can I see you in my office?”

He glares at her, dark hair falling into his face, but then follows her down the hall to her polished principal’s office. “Am I in trouble, Principal Organa?”

“I just want to talk to you,” she says, purposely ignoring his refusal to call her “mom.” “You left your lunch at home this morning.”

“I went out for lunch.”

He’s always going out for lunch. He’s always running out, away from home, away from the school. “Are you okay?” she says, putting a hand on his shoulder. He shot up in freshman year, at least a head taller than her now. “Just let me know you’re okay, Ben.”

“Kylo Ren.”

“O…kay,” she says, trying to remember the Google search she’d done about what to do in these situations. Truth is, Leia’s lost. She calls her mother almost every week about her son, but Senator Amidala doesn’t know what to do either. “Kylo Ren. Just let me know you’re doing okay. I know it’s been tough for you, ever since… well, with the accident—”

Kylo Ren shakes her hand off of him. “I’m fine,” he says, and shoves the door open, and leaves.

Leia leans against her desk and lets out a long sigh.

Rey’s jittery as she waits for driver’s ed to start.

Wedge and Luke have taken her out to practice in empty parking lots plenty of times, but now she’s just a few short weeks away from getting an actual, for-real permit. Twenty other eager faces wait alongside her.

Before the teacher can begin to speak, though, Counselor Calrissian steps into the room, murmurs a few apologetic words to the teacher, and then turns to face the class.

“Hello,” he says, “and I want to start out by welcoming all the new students to Lucas High, and to all our returning students— welcome back.” He flashes a quick grin. Rey suddenly realizes why she’s heard so much about “the hot guidance counselor.” “Now, I realize driving can be a nerve-wracking event, and especially so after having lost a member of our faculty in a car collision,” he goes on, voice and eyes gentle. “So I just want to let all of you know— I’m always in my office if you need to talk. If you’re nervous about getting out on the road, if you’re shaken up about the events of last semester, or, hey, just if you want to drop in and say hi.” There’s that grin again. “And thank you, Mr. Ackbar, for letting me interrupt. Alright, then. Hit the road!”

“They’re…” Ackbar says, “they’re just doing textbook learning for today.”

“Well, then, hit the books,” Lando says, and with a small wave, he’s gone.


	3. Screws Fall Out

On Saturday, Poe texts Rey to ask her if she’s been studying for geography. _Lol no_ , she shoots back. _You?_

The next thing she receives is a Snapchat of Poe, no homework in sight, lying on his bed with his affectionate cocker spaniel BB-8 curled up on his chest.

“So that’s a no,” Rey smirks, and takes a screenshot. Rey loves that dog. She used to have a real name, once upon a time, but her tag only ever had the address of the apartment Poe and his parents lived in at the time they got the puppy.

Eventually, people just started calling her what was on the tag, and that was that.

Sunday night, Rey dozes off sandwiched between her parents on the couch as they binge-watch _The Twilight Zone_ on Netflix. She hears them start retelling the story about the time Luke was flying through a somewhat choppy storm back when Wedge was working as a flight attendant, and the passenger seated by the wing started pitching a fit about seeing some creature outside the window.

She’s heard the story a million times, and it knocks her out like Nyquil.

The phone rings much later that night, but she only half-wakes up and curls deeper into the couch. Distantly, as if through water, she hears her father answering picking up, his panicked voice. “Leia? What is it, what’s wrong?”

The muffled voice of her aunt over the phone, Luke slipping into his jacket. “I’ll be right there. Don’t worry, okay? I’m sure he’s fine.”

Wedge shakes her awake. “C’mon, kiddo,” he says, as she adamantly buries her face in the couch cushion. “Time for bed.” His eyes are on his husband, and he looks just as worried.

“Whaa?” Rey says, her hair sticking up in a thousand directions. “Huh? What time is it?”

“Bedtime,” Wedge says, standing up and yanking her up with him. “C’mon. Upstairs. March.”

“I’m not tired,” she yawns. “Okay. Goodnight.”

She pats her dad sleepily on the hand and then treks up the stairs to bed. Wedge shoots an anxious glance at Luke as he hangs up the phone.

“I’ll be back soon. I hope,” he says as he slips out the door.

It’s the middle of the night or it’s early in the morning. Kylo Ren wakes up, dredging himself out of a nightmare of rain falling and car horns blaring and _Stop just brake goddammit STOP_.

“You should be heading home,” the man on the other side of the bed says, looking at him with bored eyes. Ren yanks on his jeans, buttoning them, his fingers numb and cold. “Your dear parents are probably worried sick about you.”

“They don’t care,” he mumbles, and heads for the door, wishing he didn’t have to leave this apartment, wishing he hadn’t dropped by in the first place. “Okay, bye.”

“I’ll see you next weekend?”

And damn, he wants to say no. He really does want to. “Yeah,” Kylo Ren says, and slips out the door.

Students mill around waiting for the first bell to ring, chatting idly. Poe Dameron has a mission.

He marches right up to Finn’s locker and pops up behind the guy while he’s sorting through his textbooks. “Good morning.”

“Oh,” Finn says, caught off guard a little. “Uh, hi. Good morning. Poe.”

“Did you have a good weekend?” Poe says, but before Finn can answer Poe interrupts him when his eyes fix on the picture taped to Finn’s locker door. “Is that your dog?”

“Uh…” Finn says, glancing between Poe and the picture of the dog. He looks sheepish. “No, actually. My mom’s allergic, so I can’t… um, I cut that out of a magazine. I just really… liked it.”

“That’s adorable,” Poe says, and then backpedals. “The dog! That’s an adorable dog.”

“…Thanks.”

They hover in their mutual awkwardness for a moment before Poe says, “You know, if you want, you’re free to come over and play with my dog anytime you want. Her name is BB-8 and she’s the best dog in the world.”

“Really?” Finn says, a smile just tingeing his face.

“Well,” Poe amends, “I mean, I haven’t _met_ every dog in the world so I guess I can’t know for sure—”

“No,” Finn laughs, “I mean, you really want me to come over?”

“Why not?” Poe says, grinning. “You seem really cool.”

“I do?” Finn sounds shocked. “Okay. Alright. Solid.”

“Okay,” Poe says, biting his lip. “Well, I gotta get to class. Can’t have you bailing me out every day.”

“Okay,” Finn says again, and watches the back of Poe’s varsity jacket fade into the distance. _Shit_ , he mouths, a little astonished, a little upset with himself for acting like a moron. Mostly, though, he’s pretty damn pleased.

Solo looks like he’s barely awake throughout geography class, bags under his eyes and losing his train of thought every five minutes. It’s a blessing when Deetoo beeps in with the announcements.

“First lacrosse game of the season is this Friday,” he says over the intercom, “so get ready to seriously fuck up the Spielberg High Raptors—”

“ARTHUR.” Titters fill the classroom when they hear the scandalized voice in the background before Threepio grabs the intercom and finishes the announcements himself.

At lunch, Rey can’t take her eyes off of her cousin sitting across the cafeteria, and she can’t stop thinking about the heated conversation she overheard between her dads that morning. His name had come up quite a bit.

“So we’re totally getting t-shirts with that on it, right?” Jess says, dropping her tray of pizza and baby carrots on the table and sliding into a seat. “‘Get ready to seriously fuck up the Raptors.’ God bless Deetoo.”

“Hm,” Poe says, completely distracted. Rey follows his gaze and realizes he’s just as preoccupied with Kylo Ren as she is.

He must’ve overheard a similar conversation between his own parents. Luke and Poe’s mother Shara have been tight ever since Luke served as her co-pilot when he was starting out. Of course he told her that Ben— _Kylo_ — went missing last night.

“Hey,” Jess says, waving a baby carrot in front of Poe’s face. “Ground control to Major Tom.”

“Huh?” Poe jerks, looking from Jess to Kylo Ren. “I, uh— sorry. Zoned out.”

She glances from Ren to Poe and connects the dots. “Oh, stop wasting time on that asshole. We all had best friends in middle school. And we’ve all had best friends who turned out to be assholes.”

“Remember when they did the talent show together?” Snap says, mixing a Kool-Aid packet into his water bottle. “What was that lame-ass song you guys sang, Poe? Once In A Lifetime?”

“Breakfast At Tiffany’s,” Poe says, standing up. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

Rey watches him cross the crowded cafeteria, wondering if she should be going with him. Ben’s _her_ cousin, after all.

Not that he’s acted like it in a long time.

“That boy’s too good for his own good,” Jessika sighs, cutting her pizza into pieces. “Sometimes I wish he’d come back down to earth with the rest of us jerks.” She stabs one piece with her fork and dips it in ranch. Rey wrinkles her nose.

“Hey,” Poe says, his shadow falling over Kylo Ren where he sits. Poe scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “You okay?”

Slowly, slowly, Kylo’s eyes come to rest on his face. “You care?”

“Yeah, I do,” Poe says immediately, without even thinking. “So answer me. Are you okay?”

Kylo blinks slowly. He’s got bags under his eyes darker than his black hair. Inexplicably, Poe remembers the time they were eleven and decided to stay up all night watching old horror movies, and halfway through got too wigged out and switched to Disney classics like _Lady & The Tramp_.

In a moment, Kylo Ren straightens, his shoulders back, his chin up. “You’re coming off a little desperate, Dameron,” he says. “Honestly, I don’t know why you’re so _obsessed_ with me. It’s like you’re in love with me or something.”

“Great,” Poe says, feeling a familiar weight settle in his stomach. “That’s… great, Kylo Ren. You let me know when you want to grow up.” He shoves away from the table, turning around before he can let Ren see that his words have hit home.

Funny thing was, Poe was the one who nicknamed him Kylo Ren in the first place. Technically, he owes some of the credit to their freshman year yearbook staff, who severely messed up Ben’s name in the final printing.

It was Poe, though, who stuck with the name and used it to tease his best friend every chance he got. To this day, his number is still under the name “Kylo Ren” in Poe’s phone.

Not that he ever calls.

“What’d I tell you?” Jess says when Poe sits back down. “Asshole.”

“I guess you’re right,” he says, and he jostles the peas on his tray around without eating any of them.

That afternoon, when Poe walks outside to the parking lot with Rey tumbling after him, he finds Finn waiting by his black and orange Hyundai. “Hey,” Finn says, shoving his hands in and out of his pockets like he doesn’t know what to do with them. “I was wondering… um, you said… would it be cool if I came over today?” The poor guy looks like he’s standing on a rapidly-cracking sheet on thin ice. “To see the dog! To see the dog.”

Poe grins. “Oh, totally,” he says, hitting the fob button to unlock the car. He turns to Rey. “Backseat for you today, shortcake.”

Rey huffs but clambers into the backseat, making a point to kick at the driver’s seat in front of her the whole drive back to her house. “Real mature,” Poe points out, letting her off at her driveway. “Say hi to your folks for me.”

“Fine!” she says, sounding annoyed, but when she leans in to grab her backpack she winks at Poe and shoots him a thumbs-up that he’s desperately hoping Finn doesn’t see. “Later, nerds.”

“She just met you,” Poe assures Finn. “She can’t really know yet if you’re a nerd or not.”

Finn shifts against the seat as they cruise the neighborhood streets. “I think I am.”

“Good,” Poe smiles. “Then we’re gonna get along just fine.”

Unfortunately, BB-8 does not seem to like Finn. When he tries to pet her, she growls and snaps at him.

The bagel bites Poe heats up are a huge hit, though, even for the dog, who snatches one off of Finn’s plate and scurries away. “Little devil,” Poe sighs. “Sorry she jumped on you, man. She didn’t hurt you, did she?”

Finn holds up his hand, which bears one thin red scratch. “Um, just a little. Her nails got me.”

“Shit,” Poe says, and pops a bagel bite in his mouth before reaching out to take Finn’s hand. Poe’s fingers are callused but his knuckles are smooth— he’s active plenty, but he never misses a chance to moisturize. Finn finds himself fascinated watching Poe’s hands, feeling them fret over his injured palm. He can feel his own pulse picking up, and he prays that Poe can’t feel it too. And then Poe says, “Hot.”

“Huh?”

“Hot!” Poe yelps, dropping Finn’s hand and spitting the bagel bite out on his plate. “Jesus,” he says, fanning his mouth. “I burned my tongue.”

Finn keeps his hands to himself for the rest of the afternoon.


	4. Hey You, Get Your Damn Hands Off Her

The next day, Finn gets called to Calrissian’s office.

“Hey there,” Lando says, neatening up his desk and inviting Finn to sit across from him. “Now is it Montgomery or Monty or—”

“Uh, Finn,” he says, sitting down. Lando Calrissian’s office is cluttered but clean; it’s clear he takes pride in each of his possessions, despite having quite so many of them. “Is this—”

“Whoa, no worries,” the counselor says, flashing a smile. “Just a check-in to see how the college search is going, where you’re thinking of applying.”

“Oh,” Finn says. “Great. Fine. Okay.”   

And after twenty minutes, pretty much all they’ve been able to come up with is that Finn doesn’t really have a clue what he wants to do.

“Like I said, no worries,” Lando says, glancing between Finn and his GPA on the computer screen. “Heck, you know when I figured out what I wanted to do in life?”

“When?”

“I don’t know, still haven’t figured it out!” He laughs at his own joke. “I’m kidding, I love my job. I love helping people. Speaking of which, Finn, while I’ve got you here, is there anything else you want to talk about? Anything at all?”

Finn’s about to say no but then he hesitates, glancing around the office like he’s trying to buy time. His eyes land on the small rainbow-colored ally sticker on Lando’s desk, and Lando notices.

“Seriously,” he says, and he does sound more serious. “Anything. If you want my advice on fantasy football drafts, if you want to talk about a girl… or not a girl.”

“Well,” Finn says, “it’s…. the thing is… there’s sort of a… guy.” He feels like an idiot, but Lando Calrissian looks nothing but helpful and open. “And I don’t want to embarrass myself. Like, _really, really_ don’t want to embarrass myself. It’s just… I like him. Like, _like-like_ him, you know? You know.” Lando does know; he’s actually smirking a little. “So how do I tell if this guy likes me… that way?”

Lando lets out a low whistle. “A question for the ages, brother,” he says. “Look— this guy. Does he smile a lot when you’re with him? _At you_?” Finn nods. “Does it feel like he keeps finding excuses to touch you?” Finn hesitates, trying to decide if Poe examining his hand yesterday counts. And then he remembers all the time’s Poe’s grabbed his shoulders or patted him on the back.

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “Kind of.”

“Well, I know you want to hear me say, ‘Definitely, go for it,’” Lando says, “but obviously I can’t make any snap judgments. I’ll just say this— keep spending time with this guy. See how it goes. And I’m always here to talk if you need it.”

“Okay,” Finn says, feeling a little lightheaded. He smiles. There aren’t many adults he actually feels he can talk to. “Okay! Thanks.”

“Anytime.” As Finn swings his backpack strap over his shoulder and heads for the door, Lando adds one more thing. “And hey, you should definitely turn out to the game Friday night to let ‘this guy’ know you’re there supporting him.” Finn blanches. “Oh, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Am I really that obvious?’ And don’t worry, you’re not.” Lando smirks. “I’m just that good.”

After school, Rey heads to Dr. Chewbacca’s room to get some help going over the summer reading. Some questions on the packet she didn’t understand, so she’s perched on a desk in his classroom waiting for him to come back from the teacher’s lounge when Jessika Pava strolls in.

“Oh, hey!” she says when she sees Rey. “What’re you doing here?”

Inexplicably, Rey suddenly feels guilty, like she needs an excuse for something perfectly innocent. “Oh, uh,” she stumbles. “I just wanted to go over the summer reading with Dr. Chewbacca before we have to turn in the packets on Friday.”

“Sweet,” Jess says, moving to erase the board. “I’m Chewie’s teaching assistant, which is mainly a BS job but we get to talk shit about the math teachers, so…” She grins and drops her eraser back onto the shelf; a cloud of yellow chalk dust rises up behind her. “How’re your classes going so far?”

“Um…” In an instant, all memories of her classes vanish. All she can think about is the way Jess’s arms looked reaching up to wipe clean the top of the board. “Good. Everything’s… good.”

“Sounds good,” Jess says, smiling, and Rey feels a little like she’s being made fun of. And for the first time in her life, it doesn’t feel mean-spirited. “I swear, I’m already ready to graduate.”

“You’re a senior?”

“I’m a _sophomore_ ,” Jess says, mock-tragic. “That’s how bad it is.”

“Well,” Rey says, shuffling her papers. “I mean, high school’s not _all_ bad.”

“Nah,” says Jess, winking. “There’s some stuff worth sticking around for.”

Fortunately for Rey’s heartrate and composure, Chewbacca shows up just then and starts giving Jess things to do.

Rey and Chewie finish up with the packet in about half an hour, and Rey knows that Han’s waiting for her in the parking lot.

As she’s leaving, Jess stops her. She’s standing on a chair and putting posters up over the board. It’s the first time Rey’s had to actually look _up_ at her. “Hey,” Jess says, “you’re coming to the pep rally on Thursday, right? Remember, we’re gonna seriously fuck up the Spielberg High Raptors.” Chewie grumbles disapprovingly. “Right, sorry, we’re gonna seriously show those Raptors some good sportsmanship and proper behavior.” Chewie nods and goes back to grading papers. With him distracted, Jess leans down to Rey, her long hair tickling Rey’s cheek. “We’re gonna seriously fuck up those Raptors,” Jessika whispers.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Rey says, and then disappears into the hallway before she can say something dumb.

The pep rally ends up being more fun than Rey might have expected.

She’s not really sure where to sit until she spots Finn hovering near the top left corner of the bleachers. And hell, she doesn’t really know him that well, but she doesn’t know anyone that well.

“Hey,” Rey waves, stepping into the space next to him.

“Oh, hey,” Finn says, sliding over. “You’re… Rachel, right?”

“Rey,” she says. “Oh, but when I was a kid I got an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas and my dads called me Rachael Ray.”

“When I was a kid,” he says, “my parents used to call me… well, still Montgomery.”

“Finn’s pretty good,” she says. “Poe says it suits you.”

“He— what, he talks about me?”

She giggles. “It’s hard to get him to shut up.”

“Really?” Finn says, eyes crinkling, a grin splitting his face. “Hey, do you think—” But he never finds out what she thinks, because at that moment the whistles blow and the music starts playing.

Coach Nunb calls out the players’ names as they run onto the gym floor. Snap leads the team, bouncing up and down like a maniac. When Poe runs out, he’s flexing his arms to show off his muscles.

“Dork,” Rey says.

“Haha, yeah,” Finn says, completely enamored.

Of course, when Jess shows up doing the exact same thing, Rey can’t even pretend that her jaw’s not hitting the floor. The girl’s got _arms_.

The team does a few laps around the court, soaking up the attention, and then the dance squad runs out and starts putting on their performance, music booming over the speakers.

Once that’s done, the band up in the stands begins playing.

“It’s really loud,” says Finn.

“What?!” says Rey.  

On Friday, the whole school’s buzzing with anticipation. T-shirts featuring the Lucas Rebels logo pissing on the Raptors logo get circulated, and Lando and Threepio have their hands full all day running around and shutting that down. Deetoo does the announcements, Principal Organa leaning over him the whole time and monitoring him _carefully_.

“I don’t know what you’re worried about, Principal,” he says once he’s finished. “You know I can watch my fucking language.”

“I know you’re all excited about the game tonight,” Phasma tells her class just before lunch. “But that’s no excuse not to finish all the homework to the best of your ability.” Cue the class-wide groan. “Oh, this is still a _school_ , people.”

As Rey’s rushing from math class to lunch, she accidentally ends up smacking into none other than her cousin.

“Shit,” he says, as they both tumble to the floor. “Watch where you’re going.”

“ _Sorry_ ,” Rey says, hopping up and brushing herself off. Her backpack was zipped, but the books Kylo was carrying are scattered across the floor. “Here,” she says, stacking them up and handing them to him as he picks himself up.

“Give me those,” he snarls, snatching his things out of her hands. “You did that on purpose.”

“Ex _cuse_ me?” Rey says, anger bubbling hot in her chest. “It was an accident; I’m sorry; _Let it go_.”

“Like you’ve ever been that clumsy,” he huffs. “Perfect little Skywalker, always did everything right.” And, _Jeez_ , that’s a reach. It’s also the first time he’s acknowledged they’re related in almost a year.

“Okay, first of all, it’s Skywalker-Antilles, fuckwad,” she says, anger getting the better of her. She never does get to second of all, though, because Kylo Ren shoves her. Hard. She goes flying back and slams into the side of the trashcan behind her.

Before she can get up and defend herself, Jessika Pava is suddenly, inexplicably there.

She stands between Kylo and Rey, hands balled into fists, crouching like a tiger about to pounce. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Kylo Ren sighs and rolls his eyes. “Forget it.”

“You’d better hope I forget it,” Jess says, practically growling. “ _You don’t touch her_.” It would be funny, in other circumstances. Rey’s shorter than Kylo Ren, and Jessika’s shorter than her. In front of him now, Jess looks almost miniature, and yet that’s not stopping her from stepping up to Kylo Ren and threatening him with all she’s got. “Why don’t you go pick on someone your own size, like your neo-Nazi boyfriend?”

She’s struck a nerve; Kylo’s eyes _blaze_. “You should keep your mouth shut,” he spits, and maybe he was moving to walk away or maybe he really was about to hit her.

Whichever it was, Jess hits him first, swinging one arm back to punch him right under his eye. “You ever hurt Rey again, it’ll be a lot worse than that.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Lando says, stepping in between the two of them and holding his hands up like a bull-tamer. “Let’s bring it down a few thousand notches.”

Threepio helps Rey up from the floor and then goes to grab Kylo by the sleeve so he can’t run. “Fighting in the halls is prohibited.”

“No fucking way,” Kylo says, earning a stern glance from the secretary.

“Alright,” Lando says, looking over at Threepio. “What’re you thinkin’? Divide and conquer?”

“Um, yes,” Threepio says, looking at Kylo Ren, who honest-to-God looks like he might bite him. “Perhaps we could… switch?”

“You got it,” Lando says, grabbing Kylo Ren by the sleeve when Threepio lets him go. Threepio puts a hand on Jess’s shoulder, and she rolls her eyes. “Alright, everyone get to lunch. Show’s over!”

“You’re okay, right?” Jess calls to Rey as Threepio hauls her away.

Rey bobs her head. “I’m fine,” she says, her expression pained. “Thanks!” She just knows she’s not going to be able to shake the guilty feeling that she just got Jess into trouble.

The bruise blooming on Kylo Ren’s cheek is almost worth it.


	5. Hey, I Just Met You

Lando Calrissian tosses Kylo into his office, pulls his chair out with a little too much force, and sits down. He stares down Kylo Ren, who stands in the middle of the tiny room and doesn’t make a move. “Would you like to sit?”

“I’m fine standing.”

“Great,” Lando says, his tone making it clear that nothing here is “great.” Ren looks extremely uncomfortable, like he’s itching to climb out of his own skin. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“Because fighting in the halls is prohibited,” he says, mimicking Threepio’s voice.

“No, because you were being a shithead,” Lando says, folding his arms and glaring. “You can comprehend that, right? That girl is your cousin and more importantly a human being. There was no need to shove her and there was no reason to behave like a _shithead_.”

“This is inappropriate,” he says, sounding bored.

“No,” Lando says, “inappropriate would be me slam-dunking you into that garbage can. This is just the truth, kid. And it’s not just this one isolated incidence of shitheadedness. You’ve been skipping class, blowing off your parents—”

“I must be the first teenager to _ever_ do that.”

“A man died.” He says it bluntly, with no inflection. Kylo Ren flinches like he’s been punched again. “And it’s not your fault, but a man died as a consequence of your actions, and there is no changing that,” Lando says, his voice growing softer. “But you _can_ change how you react to it. How you cope with it. And I’ve been trying to help you for a year now, but you won’t let me.”

“I’m not your responsibility.”

“Every student in this school is my responsibility,” he says. “That includes you, that includes everyone you’ve hurt with your cruelty. That includes your cousin and your ex-best friend, who just want you to be the guy you were last year.”

“He’s gone,” Ren says immediately. “He was weak and foolish.”

“Of course he was,” Lando sighs, putting a hand over his eyes. It’s barely noon and it’s already been a hell of a day. “You know, you should talk to your parents about all this.”

“ _No_ ,” he says, for the first time looking honestly shaken. “And you can’t mention any of this to them. Anything I’ve said.”

“Right, fine,” Lando says, tapping his fingers on his desk as he thinks. “Alright, kid, you want a deal? Here’s the deal. I… am not going to write you up. I am not going to mention any of this to your parents. But,” he says, and he can hear Kylo’s sharp intake of breath, “I need you to come to my office every week and just… talk. About anything. Whatever your deal is, you need to talk.”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, okay,” Lando says, and pulls out a disciplinary slip. “Do I write you down as Ben or Kylo, then?”

“ _Fine_ ,” he grinds out, glowering. “They both work at the school. They’re going to find out.”

“And I can give them a compelling argument about not mentioning it to you,” Lando says. “If you agree to a weekly meeting.”

“Fine,” Kylo Ren says again. “Fine. I’ll see you next week then.” And he sweeps out of the office.

Meanwhile, at Steve Threepio’s desk, Jessika Pava pleads for a lesser sentencing. “You can’t suspend me from the team, sir,” she says, desperate but still able to come across as collected. “This game is huge and I _have_ to play.”

“Perhaps you should have thought about that before you got into a fight.”

“I didn’t _get_ into a _fight_ ,” she argues. “I was stopping that asshole from kicking the shit out of my friend.”

“Young lady, I don’t approve of your lang—”

“Ease up, Steve,” Coach Antilles says, appearing as if out of nowhere like her guardian angel. Jess is absolutely certain that Rey’s behind this. He pulls Threepio aside and whispers something to him, earning a scandalized look from Threepio.

Jess stands there listening to Threepio’s cries of _I beg your pardon?_ and _Well, SOME things are more important than athletics, SIR_. She’s smirking a little.

Antilles manages to bail her out. They don’t let Threepio see the little high-five they share as they walk out the office doors.  

When Jess finally gets to her lunch table, Poe and the rest of the team look worried out of their minds.

Rey is smirking.

The band’s playing when Rey arrives at the game with her parents, a marching band cover of “Call Me Maybe” filling the stands. As soon as Luke gets in proximity of his sister he starts hollering out the lyrics with her, leaving Rey and Wedge to stand with Han in quiet horror.

They’re like this at every game. After so many years, it shouldn’t be so difficult to cope with.

When they start chanting along with the cheerleaders— _loudly_ — Wedge, Han, and Rey slip back into their old habit of pretending they don’t know the twins.

Finn shows up at the far end of the bleachers a few minutes before the game starts and Rey waves him over. “Hey,” she says with a big smile. “Ooh, Poe’s gonna be glad you’re here.”

“Really?” Finn says, getting a little lightheaded. “I mean, ah. Hm. Gotta support the team. Gotta be true to your school.”

“Oh, yeah,” Rey nods, trying not to laugh. “Totally.”

Once the game starts up, Leia and Luke get even more unbearable, shouting at the players and yelling every time the ref makes a call, which really isn’t a good practice for the principal of the school to be into. Occasionally, Luke will do the truly outraged yelling _for_ her.

“This is going well,” Finn comments at one point.

“You think?” Rey’s munching on the corn dog Wedge bought for her.

“No idea,” Finn says. “I don’t know how lacrosse works.”

“Same.” But damn, Rey thinks, does Jessika Pava look good in that uniform.

When the Lucas Rebels win, the team lifts Snap over their heads and carries him off the field while he hollers about the victory party at his house Saturday night. Luke and Leia are hugging and crying like they just watched the damn SuperBowl instead of a small-town high school lacrosse game.

“If we get out now we can beat the traffic,” Han suggests, but Leia doesn’t even look up from her post-game victory weep. “Leia? Leia? Principal?” Nothing. It can never be said that Principal Organa doesn’t have school spirit.

Finn catches up to Poe after the game to congratulate him.

“You were, uh, awesome out there,” he says, unable to hide the fact that he’s beaming. Poe grabs him into a tight hug without even thinking as cheers fill the air around them.

“Thanks, buddy,” Poe says, clapping him on the shoulder as he steps away. “Listen, hey, there’s gonna be a party tomorrow night. Which you might’ve heard.” He jerks a thumb back at Snap, who’s still yelling. “You should come. It’ll be a blast.”

“Um, okay,” Finn says, agreeing without even thinking. Poe’s got something about him that makes Finn want to say yes to everything.

“Great!” Poe looks ecstatic, backlit by the lights from the field. “I’ll text you the info. See you then.”

And just like that he disappears again, jumping back into the throng of shouting, celebrating lacrosse players.

On Saturday, Rey dresses excitedly for Snap’s party, throwback Avril Lavigne songs blaring from her radio.

Luke’s cooking dinner when she bounds downstairs. Pasta simmers on the stove as he stirs the pot. “Poe’s picking you up?” he calls over his shoulder.

“Yup!” Rey says, throwing money and her phone into a clutch. “He should be here any minute now.”

“Okay,” Luke says, and gestures with his spoon. “No drinking. Absolutely no drinking.”

“Of course,” she says, shooting him two thumbs up. Just then a familiar horn honks outside. “Okay, that’s Poe. Bye! Love you!” She’s buzzing with excitement as she runs for the door.

Wedge catches her before she can leave, dropping his voice. “If you are drinking,” he says, “or if Poe’s been drinking, just call me for a ride, okay? I won’t get mad.”

She blinks. “Okay.”

“Okay,” he says, pulling her into a one-armed hug. “Remember— beer before liquor, never sicker. But don’t drink at all. But if you are going to drink, don’t mix colors. But don’t drink anything.”

“Got it,” she says, and kisses him on the cheek. “Bye, Dad!”

“Have a good night.”

And she’s gone.

By the time they get to Snap’s house it’s already bumping, disco lights flashing from the windows and loud music pounding through the walls. “Don’t break anything,” Poe says, cutting the ignition and hopping out of the car as Rey does.

When Snap opens the door for them he and Poe immediately cross their arms together in an X. Beside them, Jess rolls her eyes. “What is that supposed to be?”

“Lacrosse!” Snap says, grabbing Poe into a hug and thumping him on the back. Then he sees Rey. “Man, you brought a freshman to a rager?”

“Snap,” Poe says, “with all due respect, your last ‘rager’ ended with all of us watching High School Musical.”

“Okay, first of all,” Snap says, defensively gesturing with the Solo cup in his hand. “We were watching High School Musical _2_. And second of all that is a fabulous movie.”

And that’s all it takes for Jess to start belting out the song “Fabulous” as Rey and Poe get swept into the party.

A second later, there’s a hesitant knock on the door. Poe’s closest, so he answers it, and then there’s Finn. “Hey,” he says, a little awkwardly. “I was, um, I was waiting in my car and I saw you come in, so—”

“Hey, buddy,” Poe says, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him inside before slamming the door shut. “Glad you made it.”

“Me too.”

“Hey, get that one a Sprite,” Poe calls to Snap, pointing to Rey. That taken care of, he turns his attention back to Finn. “You want a drink?”

“Sprite sounds fine,” Finn says, and he and Poe head to the kitchen with Snap, leaving Rey to mingle with Jess.

Well. Attempt to mingle.

“I love your top,” Jess tells her as they bob to the music.

Rey glances down at her shirt like she’s forgotten she put it on. “Thanks, it was thirty percent off at Kohl’s.”

“Steal,” Jess says, grinning over the top of her plastic cup.

“Well, actually, the top itself wasn’t thirty percent off,” Rey goes on, “but my aunt had a thirty percent off coupon and we used that.”

“That’s… good,” Jessika says, and Rey imagines how nice it would be to evaporate, or to sink through the floor, or to fly away. “Hey, do you want to dance?”

Just then Snap shows up with her Sprite, and Rey uses the precious seconds to plan her response. On the one hand, dancing with Jess, moving to the rhythm with Jess, being close to Jess, touching Jess. On the other hand, it was just the perfect opportunity for Jess and everyone else to realize how terrible she is at dancing. But, on the one hand, touching Jess.

“Sure,” Rey says, balancing her soda in one hand as she joins Jess in the center of the room, carving their own space out of the gyrating bodies around them.


	6. Shut Up And Dance With Me

“You go to a lot of parties?” Poe says to Finn. They’re secluded in the kitchen, huddled into a corner and only interrupted by the occasional party-goer getting a drink.

“Not really,” Finn says. “Why, does it show?”

Poe laughs. “Yeah, but in a good way.” Finn scrunches up his face, confused. “You know, it’s kind of adorable,” Poe says.

“I’m adorable?”

“Alright, don’t push it,” Poe says, pushing him. He feels warm and bubbly and happy, chatting with Finn in a cramped little kitchen.

Meanwhile, on the dancefloor, Jess is ripping it up and Rey is politely shuffling her feet. “You know what I just realized?” Jess says, tiny and tipsy after two drinks. “Rey rhymes with bae.”

She giggles, and Rey wants to live in the sound of it. “Y’know, it also rhymes with gay,” she adds, immediately hating herself. _Be more thirsty, Skywalker-Antilles_.

Jess gets a fucking kick out of her little joke, and when she laughs she hangs onto Rey. “I like you; you’re funny,” she says, and in that instant Rey knows that she’s always going to remember this moment, she’s always going to remember Jessika “Testor” Pava calling her funny and telling her she likes her in this dim, loud house party. Even if nothing ever happens between the two of them, she’s always going to have _I like you, you’re funny_. Her stomach does a little flip. “You want a beer?”

And Rey just bobs her head yes.

“So when I was eight,” Finn is saying, perched on the counter and swinging his legs back and forth, “I wanted to be an astronaut.”

Poe’s completely transfixed. “What changed?”

“Nothing, I still want to be an astronaut,” Finn says, but then cracks a smile. “Nah, I, uh— I got scared _snorkeling_. The whole… the thing is, I like being able to breathe.”

“I’m also a big fan of that.”

Finn laughs. “What about you? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Shit, I don’t know,” Poe says, swirling his drink around like it’s fine wine and not store-brand lemon lime soda. “Used to want to be a cowboy. Still do, kinda.”

“Understandable.”

“I dunno, pilot’s the big thing,” Poe says, thinking of the box full of tiny plastic wing badges he has at home. “Like my mom, ya know? Except that, well… A family friend of ours, he’s a pilot. Rey’s dad, actually. And he was in a plane crash a long time ago.”

“Oh my God,” Finn says in a low voice.

“I mean, everyone survived,” Poe shrugs like it’s no big deal, but he’s remembering being four years old and woken up in the middle of the night, his mother’s panicked voice as she speaks on the phone. “Rey’s dad lost a hand though.”

“That… sucks,” Finn says, wishing he had a more appropriate response.

“It does suck,” Poe agrees. “It’s actually… it’s a funny story, that’s kind of how he and Rey’s other dad, Coach Antilles, got together. He was working as the flight attendant, and the plane went down. And like I said, everyone’s fine, Rey’s dad is the only one who was injured. So he’s in the hospital, you know, _missing a hand_ , and he won’t shut up about Coach Antilles. He’s goin’, you know, ‘Is Wedge okay?’ ‘Is Wedge okay?’ and like, guy doesn’t have a hand. And his sister, you know Principal Organa, is like ‘Jesus Christ, he’s fine, _you don’t have a hand_.’ And he won’t shut up about Antilles! So finally they, like, call him in and he runs over and is like, ‘I’m fine, I’m here and I’m okay.’ And Skywalker, Skywalker is like… ‘Oh, it’s good to see you. In this horrible time it’s nice to have a hand to hold… Oh, wait.’”

Finn’s laugh is contagious, and Poe ends up laughing at his own story. The music’s loud and the kitchen is warm, and there’s nowhere Poe would rather be. “It’s cool that you know so many people at the school,” says Finn. “I don’t know anyone.”

“You know me,” Poe points out, smiling up at Finn. He’s standing right in front of Finn, can feel Finn’s knees brushing his stomach. It would be so easy, he thinks, to get closer, to just lean in.

“Yeah, I do,” Finn says, jostling his legs nervously. Somehow, Poe finds himself standing there in the crook of his legs. “I’m glad I met you.”

“I’m glad I met _you_ ,” Poe says, tilting his head up to look at Finn, the curve of his cheekbones, his quirked-up eyebrows, his lips. “And I’m glad you didn’t give me a tardy slip.”

“Well,” Finn says, “I do make exceptions. Every once in a while.”

“Every once in a while?” Poe repeats, drawing still closer. The party seems distant now, like something happening on TV. Poe’s living in this moment, the heat radiating off Finn and the springy green scent of his soap.

“Mm,” Finn says, “maybe just once.”

And then Poe leans up and closes the short distance between them. Their lips lock like magnets drawn together, they collide like shooting stars. Poe’s hands are in Finn’s hair and then sliding down, slipping across the width of his shoulders.

Finn is tangling his fingers into the curls at the nape of Poe’s neck, and Finn is kissing him back, and Finn is flailing and falling off the counter.

“Shit, shit,” Poe gasps, still a little breathless from the kiss. “Oh my God, are you okay?”

Finn hops up from the floor, cradling his funny bone. “Oww, ow, um.” It takes him a second to think of actual words, and during that second Ello Asty walks in to steal a bag of chips.

“Finn?” Poe says, but he’s already backing out of the room.

“I, uh, I gotta go,” Finn says, stumbling over his words and stumbling with his feet. “Bye. See ya. Adios.”

Poe watches him walk backwards into someone dancing before going after him. “Finn—”

“Thanks again for inviting me,” Finn says. “I just, uh, I forgot I left the stove… faucet on. So. Alright, gotta go!”

He vanishes out the front door, and Poe weighs his options before going after him.

Rey doesn’t notice anything about Finn’s exit; she’s too focused on Jess. “Is it cool being on the lacrosse team?” she asks, slurping down her beer despite the taste. She’s thinking that if she drinks, she’ll loosen up and not be so awkward. And if she is going to be awkward, the least she can do is not remember it very well.

“It’s alright,” Jess shrugs modestly. “I mean, you get all the ladies.”

“Wha— really?”

“Haha, no,” Jess says, swiping hair out of her face as they dance. She takes a sip of her drink. “Nah, I’m not so much with the dating. I’m, like, perpetually single.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” _Yesssssssss._ “What do you do for fun?” Rey feels like she’s reading from J-14 interview template but she has no other idea of how to talk to human girls, despite being one herself.

To be perfectly honest, after tonight she’s not so sure she is human. Possibly some kind of awkward turnip with anxiety.

“Sleeping,” Jess laughs. “Eating. My two favorite hobbies. I kind of like roller skating.”

“Oh, cool, me too,” Rey says, thinking of long summer mornings spent at the roller rink. “When I was little I wanted to be in a roller derby someday. But then my dads found out how many injuries you get that way and they forbade it.”

“Forbade it?” Jess says, raising an eyebrow. “Ooh, you know what we should do? You know what we should do? We should form, like, a secret forbidden roller derby team. And meet up in secret, and it would be a secret and we could have like, a secret handshake.”

“Yeah!”

“It would be like Fight Club, but with lesbians, and roller skates.”

“So, Whip It,” says Rey, grinning at Jess over the top of her cup.

“Yeah!”

Outside, Finn’s just getting ready to start up his car when Poe opens the passenger’s side door and slides in. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Finn says, staring resolutely forward. “Get out.”

“Yeah, I will in a second,” Poe says, and closes the door. His face is flushed and he feels like an idiot. “I just wanted to say… I’m really sorry. I think I misread something, or I went too far, and—”

Finn stares at him incredulously. “What are you talking about?”

Poe blinks. “You freaked out,” he says. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“That’s not…” Finn taps his fingers on the steering wheel, the keys sitting in the ignition waiting to be turned. “The kiss was great.”

“Oh…” Poe glances out the side window like maybe the view’s changed. “So you… the kiss was great but you’re running away now? Like kind of a Cinderella deal?”

“Not like a…” Finn shakes his head as if he’s trying to get water out of his ears. “Look, it’s just… the kiss was great, and you’re great, but I’m… I mean, this is all… It doesn’t matter. Just get out of the car.”

Poe sighs, tangles his fingers together in his lap, and he tries to figure out where he went wrong. “At least let me buy you dinner.”

“It’s after ten, nothing’s open.”

“There’s a Taco Bell like a mile away,” Poe says, trying not to sound needy. “Just… I’ll buy you dinner, and then you can drive back here and drop me off. And, if you want, never see me ever again.”

It seems to take a while for Finn to mull this over, but then he shrugs and starts the car. As they pull away from the side of the road, Finn glances over at Poe for a second. He looks back at the road. “I don’t… want to never see you again,” he says. “Just for the record.”

“Oh, good,” Poe says as they drive. “I don’t want to never see you again, either.”

Jess is a pretty good dancer, which Rey guesses comes with the athleticism. Her hips move lithely, and she knows what to do with her hands so they don’t look awkward. Rey can’t help but think about what might happen to slower music, about the idea of Jess twining those arms around her neck and swaying slowly, pressing against her.

As if Jess can read her mind, she suddenly wraps an arm around Rey’s waist and pulls her closer. And Rey’s pretty sure she’s about to have a heart attack. “You gotta loosen up,” Jess whispers into her ear, hair tickling Rey’s shoulder.

“Sure thing,” Rey says with a smile, and she has never in her life felt more uptight and anxious. Experimentally, she tries rocking with the music, letting her feet move without thinking too hard about what they’re doing. The beer helps.

Thing is, she probably shouldn’t have tried, because as soon as Jess can see she’s dancing more naturally she lets go.


	7. Risky Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for emetophobia/vomiting.

Finn and Poe spend the majority of the drive to Taco Bell in silence, until Poe starts to feel awkward and thinks he can combat that by whistling.

At one point Finn actually starts listening to him and says, “Is that Hotline Bling?”

“… Maybe.”

By the time they reach the drive thru, Poe’s already feeling like the evening is ruined irreparably. Sure, the kiss was amazing, _incendiary_ , but Finn’s behaving like Poe accidentally stabbed him with a fork.

“Remember,” Poe says as they reach the talk box, “I’m paying.”

“Uh-huh,” Finn says, and rolls the window down. They ask for his order and he says, “I’ll have one soft beef taco,” to which Poe looks dejected.

“Come on, I’m not down to my last dime or anything,” he whispers.

Finn rolls his eyes. “And a cherry slushie.” Poe orders five Doritos Locos tacos and a bag of cinnamon crunchies. “You’re pretty hungry,” Finn observes.

“I get hungry when I’m nervous.”

“Am I making you nervous?”

Poe smiles mischievously. “Not nearly enough.” And despite the tumultuous turn the party took, he swears he can see Finn melting, those lips of his curling into a soft smile.

The car behind them honks at them to move forward.

“You know,” Jess says, tossing her head as they dance, “you’re kinda cute when you’re nervous.” Her hair flips over her shoulder and Rey can smell her citrus shampoo.

“That’s good,” Rey says, finishing off her second beer as fast as she can. “I’m nervous a lot.” Jess giggles and Rey wants to live in the sound. “I was, um, I was nervous about this party, actually. I thought it might be weird… my first high school party.”

“Well, just so you know,” Jess says, and leans in. Rey’s considering saying everything in a whisper for the rest of the night just so Jess will have to get closer and closer to her. “This party would’ve been a bust if you hadn’t come.”

“Really?”

“Oh, totally,” Jess says, winking. “I mean, I love everybody here. They’re like my family, you know? But screw ’em.”

And then there’s her hand around Rey’s waist again, and she’s pulling Rey into her personal space. Rey knows she’s blushing furiously, that her heart’s pounding, but she doesn’t care. This, she’s sure, is where she wants to be. Music thumping, people dancing around them like a hurricane, and she and Jessika in the eye of the storm.

So maybe it’s the beer, or maybe it’s the nerves, or maybe it’s just that the universe really hates her, because just then her stomach does a little flip, and not in the harmless “I have a crush on the hot lacrosse girl” way.

“Oh no,” she mumbles, a hand on her mouth as she feels the bile rise.

Jess looks concerned. “Rey, what’s—” But Rey’s shoves her hands away and runs for the hall, desperately searching for a bathroom.

By the time Finn pulls up next to the house again, Poe’s already scarfed down all five of his tacos and has begun picking cheese off of the wrappers. Finn parks and daintily takes a bite of his soft taco.

“I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable before,” Poe says, looking down at his taco wrappers instead of at Finn. “I just… I don’t know, I didn’t want you to feel like coming out tonight was a waste.”

“I don’t think it was a waste,” Finn says, slurping his slushie. “I mean, I’m not really a party person, but I guess I had a good time. I just…”

“What?” Poe says, looking up.

It’s so dark and quiet in the car, it feels like they could be drifting through empty space. “I just,” Finn says, gulping, “wasn’t really expecting to have my first kiss tonight. I didn’t really… prepare for it, I guess, mentally—”

“Whoa, whoa,” Poe says, holding his hands out like he’s stopping traffic. “That was your first kiss?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“ _Jeez_ ,” Poe sighs. “Then we did it wrong.”

“It, um… we did?” Finn says, looking lost.

“Well, yeah,” Poe says, shifting in the seat so he can face Finn. “I mean, that was a _great_ kiss. That… what we did was a really good kiss. But that’s not what your first kiss is supposed to be like. Your first kiss is supposed to be awkward and funny and you’re supposed to screw it up.”

“I fell off the counter,” Finn reminds him.

“That doesn’t count.” Poe’s ears feel warm. “It’s supposed to be, like, stupid stuff, you know? Your noses bump together. Your braces get stuck.”

“I don’t have braces,” Finn says. His throat feels dry.

“Still,” Poe says, and he reaches out to put a hand under Finn’s chin. “Can I…?”

“Go for it,” Finn says, and Poe leans in.

Their foreheads knock together and make a _clunking_ sound, which Finn is pretty sure Poe did on purpose. “See?” Poe says, and then he shuts his eyes and brushes his lips softly against Finn’s.

It’s warm and gentle and fast and chaste, and then it’s over. Poe sits back in his seat, watching Finn to see if he’s about to bolt again.

Finn grins and kind of bobs his head, and then he takes another sip of his slushie. “Cool.”

“Cool,” Poe repeats, laughing. He claps Finn on the knee and then starts gathering up his trash. “You wanna get back to the party?”

“I actually, um,” Finn starts, “and this has nothing to do with you, just… I think I’m gonna head home. I’m exhausted.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Yeah, I was up til like four last night watching Homeward Bound 2,” Finn explains.

Poe looks up slowly to meet his eyes. “Lost in San Francisco?”

“Yeah,” Finn shrugs. “That was like, my favorite movie when I was a kid.” He buckles his seat belt and starts the car before turning back to Poe. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Sure thing,” Poe says, smiling at him as he steps out of the car. “See you on Monday.”

Poe watches him drive away until the car disappears around the corner, and he stands there in silence another minute or so before going back into the house.

While Rey’s on her knees and heaving into the toilet, her hands braced on either side of the seat, it takes her a while to notice that someone’s holding her hair back, someone’s rubbing soothing circles into her back through the fabric of her shirt.

Once she’s done— or _hopes_ she’s done, at least— Rey turns to see Jess sitting on the edge of the bathtub, watching her with concerned eyes. _Oh, God._

“Oh, God,” Rey mumbles. “I’m so sorry, I’m… yikes, I’m so—”

“It’s nothing,” Jess tells her. “Don’t be embarrassed, we’ve all been there.” Rey wants to melt into the floor, but Jess doesn’t even look fazed. “I betcha I can find you a toothbrush,” Jess says, standing up and rooting through the drawers in the bathroom counter. She pulls out toe separators and a thing of floss before unearthing a package of unused toothbrushes. “There you go,” Jess says, setting one on the counter beside the rolled up tube of toothpaste. “See? No worries.”

“You’re an angel,” Rey says, swiping a sweaty lock of hair behind one ear.

“I know,” Jess says, and she puts her hand on Rey’s forehead. It feels like an icepack against Rey’s heat-splotched skin. “Do you want me to stay in here with you, or—”

But right then, there’s a pounding on the door. “Rey?” Poe calls. “Rey, are you in there?”

Mortified, Rey shakes her head no to Jess, who weasels her way out the bathroom door and comes face to face with her teammate. “Hey there, Poe-kemon,” she says, hoping she sounds nonchalant. “What’s up?”

“Have you seen Rey?” he says, looking worried. “She wasn’t downstairs.”

“Did you check everywhere downstairs?”

“Yes I checked everywhere downstairs.”

“Maybe she went home!” Jess says, feeling desperate. “You should check there.”

Poe glances up at the door she’s frantically keeping closed. “She’s in there, isn’t she?”

“No.”

“Testor.”

“Nobody’s in there,” Jess says, at the exact same moment they hear the sink in the bathroom start running. Jess freezes for a moment, trying to think of an explanation. “Oh no! A ghost!”

When Poe glares at her she just steps to the side, ashamed.

The argument Poe and Rey have is short and hard to understand, mostly due to the fact that Rey is in the middle of brushing her teeth for the entirety of it. It’s a lot of _You need to be more responsible!_ and _Mwell mayffe voor ghaaarra fyoo!_

Finally, Rey spits and rinses and Poe drags her away from the party, Jess watching mournfully after her.

They’re silent in the car ride home until Rey points out, “You didn’t even ask. Maybe I got sick off of food poisoning.”

“Did you get sick off of food poisoning?”

Rey pauses. “Can you get food poisoning from beer?”

Poe groans. “I was supposed to be keeping an eye on you.”

“Yeah, you screwed that up.”

“And _you’re_ supposed to be mature.”

“I’m mature,” Rey squawks indignantly. “I’m so mature it’s coming out of my ears.”

“Sure, kid,” Poe says, pulling into her driveway. It’s not even midnight yet but it feels like he’s been up for three days. “You feelin’ better?” She nods. “Drink some ginger ale. Get some sleep.” He drops her off and drives away.

Rey slumps into the house, keeping quiet in case her parents are awake. When she walks into the living room she finds Wedge on the couch, lit by the gray glow of the _Twilight Zone_ on TV. Before she can creep upstairs, he turns on her. “How much did you have?”

Rey winces at his tone. “How’d you know?”

“Father’s intuition,” he says. “Also I did the same thing when I was your age. Also Poe texted me.”

“Rat,” she mutters. “I only had two beers.”

“And you threw up,” he says, “which means that ‘only two beers’ is two beers too many, Rey.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, her shoulders sinking. “I know.” She goes to sit beside him on the couch, curling her legs up under herself. “It was horrible.”

“Good,” he says, but he puts an arm around her.

“Are you gonna tell Dad?”

He considers it for a moment but shakes his head. “But I am taking away your Netflix for a month.”

“That’s fair.”

“You’re damn right it is,” he says, but it seems he’s done being mad. Wedge Antilles never was much of a lecturer. Back in the day, he even used to have trouble making people put their tray tables up. The two of them watch the episode in silence, curled up together on the couch.

“Dad,” Rey says at one point, holding back a yawn, “how do you talk to girls?”

“Never could figure that out,” Wedge says. “That’s why I decided to be gay.” She punches him lightly in the arm and he laughs. “Just say nice things. Compliment her. Tell her she smells nice.”

“Is that how you and Dad got together?”

“No,” he says, “your father and I got together because we both wanted to know what airplane bathroom sex was like.”

“Agh, shut up, shut up,” Rey yelps, jumping up from the couch and heading upstairs.

“It’s _very_ uncomfortable.”

“ _Goodnight_!”


	8. Getting Older

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for past spousal abuse

As though he’s making it a habit, Kylo Ren disappears on Sunday again.

Leia and Han are frantic, because sure he’s eighteen and knows how to take care of himself, but lately it’s been hard to tell if he even _wants_ to take care of himself. They’re calling Luke and Wedge and Lando, phoning up Chewie. No one knows where he is.

“We’ll find him,” Han swears, but it’s three in the morning and he looks like he’s being pushed down into the floor, the weight of all of it shoving down on him. “He’s probably just blowing off steam somewhere.”

“ _Where_?” she says, near pulling out her hair. “Blowing off steam _where_ , Han?”

“I don’t—” he starts, but he’s interrupted by the doorbell.

Leia rushes to answer the door, thinking maybe it’s her son. She doesn’t even bother looking through the peephole, just sweeps the door open. When she sees who it is, her heart catches in her throat.

“Leia,” he says, voice deeper than she remembers it being. “I’m sorry for coming here. And for coming here so late.”

Upon seeing who it is, Han’s gut reaction is to step in front of Leia like he’s protecting her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh, calm down, Solo,” he says. “I’ve only come to return my grandson.”

“Is he…?” Leia’s trying to look around her father at the car parked in the driveway.

“He’s in the car,” Anakin says.

Han glances between Leia and her father, not sure if he should leave her side or not. With a nod, Leia tells him to go and get their son. He does, leaving Anakin and Leia in silence.

“How is Padmé?” he says, speaking finally. “Is she alright?”

“You don’t get to ask that.” Leia’s holding steady even if it means she needs to curl one hand into a fist to keep it from shaking. “Nice to see you’re back in the business of kidnapping.”

“Ben came to _me_.”

“Because you filled his head with garbage,” she spits at him. “He _idolizes_ you. He wants to _be like_ you. Do you realize how fucked up that is?”

“More than anyone,” Anakin says.

“Not more than anyone.” Distantly, she can hear Han arguing with Kylo to get out of the car. It’s getting hard to hear over the buzzing in her head. “Not more than me.”

And she wants to be strong for Ben and Han and, dammit, for herself, but seeing her father standing here just brings it all back. Suddenly, she’s five years old and watching her father strike her mother across the face, she’s watching her mother wrap a scarf around her neck to hide the fingerprint bruises, she’s seven and clutching her brother’s hand as they wait in Uncle Ben’s living room for Anakin Skywalker to be taken away. She’s thirteen and watching her father stumble in uninvited to her mother’s wedding to Senator Organa, and her bridesmaid dress feels too tight as she struggles for air.

It’s her prom night all over again, and she’s standing there in that beautiful white dress, the silver belt cinched, and her father and his friends are trying to get her into the car, talking to her, threatening her, she remembers her father’s grip on her arm.

She’s shaken out of bad memories by Han, coming up the walkway hauling Kylo behind him. Leia steps aside to let them in the house, her eyes fixed on her father.

“He needs someone who understands him,” Anakin says, his eyes heavy with regrets. Leia just looks cold. She _feels_ cold.

“You know, _Dad_ ,” she says, filling the word with as much venom as she can, “if you’re the only one in the world who understands him then he’s already too far gone.”

She slams the door in his face.

As soon as he has a chance on Monday morning, Kylo shows up in Lando Calrissian’s office.

“Hey there,” Lando says, glancing up from the Sudoku puzzle calendar he’d been working on. “Early in the week, huh? You know, my Aunt Maz always used to say ‘eat your frog first thing in the morning.’ Because, uh, if there’s something you don’t want to do, like eating a frog, you want to get it done first thing in the morning.” Kylo Ren stares at him. “Please, have a seat.”

“So,” he says, shifting uncomfortably in the chair, “what do we talk about?”

“Anything you feel like talking about,” Lando says, watching Kylo over his folded hands. “You want to talk about what happened last night?”

“No.”

“How about your parents?”

“I don’t want to talk about them.”

Lando sighs, tapping his fingers on the desk. “How ’bout those Bears?” he jokes, at a loss for what to say.

“What if,” Kylo starts, and then shuts up again. “You can’t tell anyone what I say in here, right?”

Lando hesitates. “I can if it’s illegal, Kylo.”

“Well, what if it’s… not technically illegal?”

“‘Not technically illegal,’” Lando tells him with a slow grin, “are my three favorite words. What exactly about this secret makes it not _technically_ illegal?”

“Well,” he says, “because I’m eighteen.” Lando’s smile falls off his face. “I’m seeing an older m— an older person.”

“Uh-huh,” Lando says, leaning forward. “Do you… do you think there’s something wrong with that?”

Kylo Ren seems at a loss for words, but this time not on purpose. “I… I don’t know. I guess it’s wrong.”

“You guess?” Lando’s trying not to push him in a wrong direction. He’s not really sure where he should push him, though. “Because of how this person makes you feel?”

Ren shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Kylo,” Lando says, “how _does_ this person make you feel?”

Kylo Ren meets his eyes finally, and Lando’s struck by how pale and thin he looks under the buzzing fluorescent lights. “He doesn’t.”

At lunch, Poe drags Finn by the hand over to his lunch table. “Hey, guys,” he says with a cheeky grin, nudging Finn forward. “This is Finn.”

They all chorus “Hi, Finn,” like a first grade classroom, and then the two of them take their seats. As they eat, Poe squeezes Finn’s hand under the table.

Jessika Pava rolls her eyes.

That afternoon, Rey’s munching on celery and peanut butter as she watches Luke grabbing his cell phone and double-checking his pocket to see that he has his wallet. “Where are you going?”

“What?” he says, glancing up. “Oh— I’m going to go see your grandfather.”

Rey makes a face. She’s only met the man once, very briefly, but she knows the history. “ _Why_?”

Luke sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “Apparently… he showed up on Aunt Leia’s doorstep last night. She’s pretty shaken up. I’m going to go and talk to him, see what’s going on, how he’s doing.”

Rey chews her peanut butter celery slowly and swallows it, not really tasting it. “Why do you care?” she says. “Why do you care how he’s doing? He hit Grandma.”

“I know,” Luke says, “I know. And I’ll never really forgive him for any of it,” he tells her, “but I guess that I come… as close as I do, to forgiving him, because… well, because I need it. And a little because he needs it, but there’s no one else to give it to him, so…” He trails off, not really sure what point he’s trying to make. “You understand?”

Rey nods, slowly, then says, “Not really.”

“Maybe when you’re older.” He tousles her hair and then he’s out the door.

As Rey snacks, she mulls over what her dad told her. About how maybe, sometimes, forgiveness isn’t really deserved, it’s just necessary.

She thinks and thinks, and then she goes out into the garage and pulls out her bike.

Han spent a long summer years ago building the tree house, making weekly trips to Tosche Hardware and working on it late into the night. At one point, Leia set up a pulley system over one of the branches so she could send up food and lemonade and occasionally a beer. Ben, eight at the time, would send up notes or cool rocks he found.

Kylo Ren sits in the corner of the treehouse, his legs stretched out in front of him, earbuds buried in his skull and blaring out Fall Out Boy.

He doesn’t hear Rey lean her bike up against the trunk of the old tree, and he doesn’t hear her climbing the ladder, so it’s a jolt for him when her face peeps up into the entrance.

“ _Shit_ ,” he says, dropping his iPod, yanking the earbuds out. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Because I thought you might be here,” she says, resisting the urge to call him a dumbass. The whole ride over she’d been rethinking, contemplating turning back. The wrong word out of his mouth will send her right back down the ladder. “I wanted to talk to you.”

When he says nothing, she takes that as an invitation and slides to the opposite side of the treehouse, sitting with her knees tucked up against her chest. She remembers all the things this treehouse was for her and Ben, and Poe when he’d come over. It was a pirate’s ship and a department store and a train car. It was a castle and a spaceship. It was a home.

“I’m sorry I pushed you,” Kylo Ren says, staring outside. “I… I shouldn’t have done it.” The words are stilted, but they’re true. “I just got too angry and I… couldn’t handle it.”

Rey thinks about what her father told her about forgiveness. “I’m sorry Jess punched you,” she says, not sure if she really means it. She hopes that she means it.

“It doesn’t hurt that much.”

And suddenly Rey has _so much_ to say to him. She wants to ask him about the accident, and if everything has been spiraling off of that or if there’s more. She wants to ask him what he does when he runs away, where he goes. She wants to ask him about their grandfather. She wants to ask him if he remembers playing in this treehouse as kids, competing to see who could rescue Poe first, back in the days when their families got together every weekend and Poe’s curly hair crept past his shoulders.

She settles for one question that’s been nudging at the back of her mind. “Who was Jess talking about?” she says. “When she said you had a… neo-Nazi boyfriend.”

Kylo jerks like he’s been literally shocked. “Nothing,” he says, hands scrabbling for his iPod. “Nothing, nothing. Get out.”

“Wait, Ben—”

“ _Get out_.”

Geography class is alright the next morning, with her Uncle Han in a good enough mood, except that Poe keeps getting distracting and doodling little hearts on his notes and Rey has to kick him to pay attention.

It’s not that she cares about his education so much as she knows he’s going to ask her for the notes. And her notes kind of suck.

“You are _smitten_ ,” Rey teases him as the bell rings. “I don’t think I’ve seen you this lovey-dovey since… wow, _ever_.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, trying to look annoyed. The problem is he’s too happy lately to do anything but smile dopily. “Things are just… really nice for me right now, you know? School’s nice, it’s a nice day, Finn’s _very nice_.” Rey just shakes her head. “Wait, so what’s going on with you and Jess?”

“Huh?” Rey says, trying to figure out the correct amount of befuddlement to fool him. “What? Whaaaa? Is there something going on with me and Jess? There’s nothing going on with me and Jess.”

“Well, she won’t shut up about you,” Poe says, reaching his locker and twirling in the combination. Once he opens it, Rey takes the opportunity to hide her pleased, astonished expression behind the locker door. “Seriously, usually when I throw up in front of people they get _less_ interested in me.”

“She’s probably just worried about me,” Rey shrugs, but she’s trying not to do a little dance.


	9. More Than A Friend

Jess corners her in the library later that day while Rey’s helping Mr. Deetoo reshelf books. “Hey cutie,” she says, sliding in between Rey and the checkout desk.

Rey glances behind her. “Me?”

“Yes you,” Jess says, shaking her head. “How you feelin’?”

“Ugh,” Rey says, picking up a stack of books and heading for the biography section. Jess follows her across the library. “I’m fine. I’m _really_ embarrassed.”

“Yeah, that was… unfortunate,” Jess says, thinking back to Saturday night. “Especially since you left before I could ask you something kind of important.” Rey opens her mouth but Jess talks before she can get a word in. “Well, no, especially since you were blowing chunks. That was the worst part. But it was _also_ unfortunate because I wanted to ask you something.”

Rey puts back a Sarah Palin autobiography to avoid looking at Jess. “Ask me what?” she says, praying that she’s not blushing.

“I wanted to ask you,” Jess says leaning against the bookshelf, “if you wanted to go out for coffee with me sometime.”

Rey grins, tucks a strand of hair behind one ear. She still feels nervous, doubtful, so she keeps putting biographies back. She has Martin Luther King, Jr. in one hand and Michael J. Fox in the other. “You mean, like as a friend?”

“Uh, no.”

“Oh,” Rey says, and she _knows_ she’s blushing. “Good.”

“Great,” Jess says, a grin splitting her face. “No practice this afternoon after school. You free?”

“I’m always free,” Rey says immediately, and then regrets it. “Except for when I’m doing… cool, hip stuff like partying and crime.” _Nailed it_.

“Alrighty,” Jess says, “I’ll see you afterschool. Meet me by my car. It’s a little blue Jetta, same row as Poe’s.”

“Okay, see ya,” Rey says, and for all the jibes she’d made at Poe this morning for being smitten, she knows that she looks just as ridiculous as him, if not more so. Jessika sashays out of the library, leaving Rey to shelve the rest of her stack of biographies before going back to the desk for more books.

As she’s examining the spines, she catches Deetoo watching her and realizes he’d been listening to their whole conversation. “What?” she says.

He just smiles. “ _Smooth_.”

Rey has to resist the urge to stick her tongue out at the secretary.

When the final bell rings, Rey runs outside to find Jess’s little blue Jetta. It’s five spots away from Poe’s, a little scuffed up but pretty, and made all the more prettier by the girl leaning against the hood and smiling at Rey.

“Hop in,” Jess says, opening the passenger’s side door for her.

“Thanks,” Rey says, feeling jittery. Jess jumps in the driver’s seat and starts up the car, loud pop music blaring from the stereo.

“Sorry!” Jess says, turning it down. “I kind of jam out on the way to school.”

“Totally understandable,” Rey says as they pull out of the parking lot. “So, which Starbucks are we going to?”

“Oh, we’re not going to Starbucks,” Jess says, turning onto the main road the runs beside the high school. “I’m being a total hipster and taking you to a little independent coffeehouse.”

And Rey doesn’t really mind. Jessika Pava could take her to an abandoned shoe factory and she’d be mesmerized.

“So how was your day?” Jess says, glancing over at Rey with stars in her eyes. “How are your classes?”

Rey shrugs. “They’re alright. Phasma’s making me hate math.”

“Did you not hate math already?” She sounds scandalized. “Math is the Worst and must be eliminated.”

“I used to like it when I was a kid,” she says, shrugging. “My dad made it interesting.”

“Unless your dad is Neil Degrasse Tyson, I seriously doubt that.”

Rey opens her mouth to say something about how Luke would turn meals into math problems, how he’d go into way too much detail explaining the mathematics of how a plane worked. She rethinks it. “How was _your_ day?”

In about ten minutes they get to the coffeehouse. It’s tiny and in the corner of a shopping center, but it seems to expand out and completely fill what space it has. It also has kind of a Vegas feel, of being bright and lively yet surrounded by desert.

The sign on the roof reads “Java The Hut.”

“It looks nice,” Rey comments as they get out of the car.

“Well, it’s better on the inside,” Jess says, locking the car. It beeps. “The guy who owns it is kind of a dick, but the barista’s really cool and the coffee is to _die_ for.”

Jess holds the door open for Rey and she ducks inside, immediately feeling like she’s stepping onto another planet. The lighting is dim and the music is loud; a small band occupies a stage in the corner of the room, playing music that’s definitely not acoustic and definitely not what Rey would define as “coffeehouse music.” A large, shirtless man in the corner feeds half his scone to the large, hairy dog under the table. A much smaller dog runs out to greet them and yips loudly at Rey.

“That’s Salacious Crumb,” Jess says, leaning down to scratch him behind the ears. He yips again. “He’s the meanest dog ever. He only likes me because I always feed him when I’m in here.” Rey sidesteps the yappy dog and follows Jess to the counter, where a young woman with two long braids smiles and waves from the register. “Hey, Oola,” Jess says, swinging her wallet on the counter to pull out some cash. “You know what I want. Rey?”

Rey’s been too caught up in… everything to even glance at the menu. All the drinks have weird names and sizes she doesn’t understand, so she just asks for whatever Jess is getting.

It turns out to be a caramel latte, which suits her just fine. As she’s grabbing her drink and offering the other to Jess, Rey suddenly freezes when her eyes land on the large canvas painting hanging in the back of the shop. It’s a painting of nude person. A very familiar nude person. “Oh my God, that’s my uncle.”

“ _What_?” Jess says, whirling around to see what she’s looking at. “Holy shit. That’s Mr. Solo. Oh my God, I’ve been in here a million times and I never realized that.” In her defense, the thing’s done entirely in gray.

“What, that painting?” Oola says, turning to see what they’re looking at. “That was actually done by a woman who used to work here! Sana, that was her name. She said she did it in a college art class.”

“He did nude modeling in college,” Rey says, wanting to look away from the painting but transfixed, like staring at a bad car accident. “He— he did nude modeling in college.”

“Oh, this shit’s going on Instagram,” Jess says, whipping her phone out. “Come on, Rey, get in this.”

After the excitement— and trauma— of discovering the portrait dies down, Rey and Jess take a table by the window and sip their lattes.

“So you come here a lot?” Rey says, immediately feeling like an idiot. _Do you come here often?_

“Yeah,” Jess says, glancing around the place. “It’s great for people-watching. Wildest folks come in here.”

Rey can see what she means. A table in the far corner houses a group of women with outrageous-looking haircuts. She’s pretty sure that the woman at the booth working furiously on her laptop is wearing nothing but a shiny bikini.

“But, you know, lately,” Jess says, eyeing her over the lid of her coffee cup, “the only one I can watch is you.”

It’s a cheesy line, but it works on Rey. To be perfectly honest, she’s so far gone that “I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!” would work on Rey.

They talk for what seems like forever, sharing stories and jokes, Rey smiling down into her latte and Jess smiling brilliantly right at her. Their knees brush together under the table; their fingertips graze each other when they both reach for their cups at the same time. Rey feels like she’s getting a tiny electric shock every time they touch. Or, no— like she’s a bolt of electricity and Jess is the only thing grounding her.

When they’re leaving, Jess waves goodbye to Oola and gives Salacious Crumb a little bit of cookie she’d had left over from lunch.

“We should go back there some time,” Rey says as she buckles back into Jess’s Jetta.

“Definitely,” the other girl says warmly. “Or we could try this other place that’s pretty good. Barriss Coffee.”

As they drive, Rey frantically tries to remember what Wedge told her about talking to girls. _Just say nice things. Compliment her. Tell her she smells nice._ She sees too many things going wrong with telling Jess she smells nice, so Rey tries to think of a good compliment.

It takes her almost until Jess has turned onto her road. Rey crushes down her anxieties, turns to Jess, and says, “You’re a really good driver.”

“Thanks,” Jess says, looking a little taken aback but pleased at what Rey is sure was a dumb thing to say. “Actually, it’s kind of funny… when I was a kid I was _obsessed_ with the Fast and the Furious. I wanted to be a stunt driver.”

“You don’t anymore?”

Jess pulls up to the curb outside Rey’s house. “I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “It just seems impractical now, you know? Kid stuff.”

“I think you’d make an awesome stunt driver,” Rey says, and then adds, “Testor.” She opens her door and gets out of the car, her backpack slung over one shoulder, about to head up her driveway.

And then it occurs to her that maybe she should stop playing it safe. Maybe she should stop feeling dumb— or try, anyway. Jess wants to be a stunt driver. Rey doesn’t take risks like that.

Maybe she should start.

Turning on one heel, she walks back to the car and opens the passenger’s side door. Jess glances over at her as Rey slides back into the seat. “Did you forget something?”

“Yeah,” Rey says, and she leans across the center console and kisses Jessika on the mouth.

For a second, Jess is just surprised, stock-still, and then she responds, leaning into Rey, lips melding together like they were always meant to meet.

“See you tomorrow,” Rey says, pulling back. For the first time in her life, she feels in control. Hell, she feels _cool_.

“Alrighty,” Jess says, heat rising in her cheeks. “See you tomorrow.” As she drives away, she’s grinning from ear to ear.

Rey bounces into the house, her backpack thumping between her shoulder blades. Wedge is in the kitchen making a sandwich when she comes in, and the way he pops out from behind the refrigerator confirms to her that he was watching. “Who was that nice young lady?”

“No one,” Rey says, grabbing a juice pouch from the open fridge. She giggles. “ _Someone_.”

“Does _someone_ have a name?” he says, spreading mustard on a piece of bread. Rey pops the straw in her juice pouch and sucks half of it down to avoid answering.

“Her name’s Jess,” she says.

“Mmhmm, what’s she like?”

Rey chews at the end of her straw and mutters, “Well, she’s a _great_ kisser.”

“Whoa-ho-ho,” Wedge sputters, turning around. “What’s that now?”

“What?” Luke says, pounding down the stairs carrying a basket of neatly folded laundry. “What is it?”

“She’s _dating_.”

“Dating?” Luke dramatizes, saying the word like it’s “Godzilla” or “Dracula” or “Donald Trump.” “That can’t be, we just dropped her off at kindergarten.”

“Ha ha,” Rey says, carefully sipping the dregs of her juice pouch.

“You know what this means,” Wedge sighs. “Soon she’ll be wearing training bras and lipstick.”

“I already—”

But she’s interrupted by Luke and Wedge launching into a harmonized chorus of “Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon,” their arms slung around each other’s waists.


	10. It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

At lunch the next day, Snap practically pounces on Poe. Beside him, Finn jumps. “Hey, hotshot,” Snap says, almost climbing across the table to get in Poe’s face. “What’s the plan for Saturday?”

“Whoohoo,” Jess says, shimmying a little in her seat. “Homeboy’s gonna be legal.” Rey shoots her a scandalized glance. “Legal _voting_ age. He’s gonna be legal voting age.” She sips her chocolate milk carton. “Among other things.”

“You shush,” Poe says to Jess, and he shoves Snap back to his side of the table. “I just want a quiet birthday party.”

“Kegger.”

“With close friends. Maybe we can watch a movie.”

“Big kegger.”

“Just a really low-key night.”

“Great big kegger with hookers and molly.”

“We will have a small get-together,” Jessika promises, glaring at Snap. “Ten people, tops. Chips and dip. No molly.”

“That sounds _perfect_ ,” Poe says, standing up. “I’m gonna go get a slice of pizza. You want anything, babe?”

“Huh?” Finn says, looking a little startled. “Oh. No, I’m good. Thanks though!” Poe gives him a little kiss and then heads off to the lunch counter at the other end of the cafeteria. “I’m babe,” Finn explains, smiling. He’s been conspicuously wearing Poe’s varsity jacket all day.

Jess rolls her eyes but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s been sitting with her arm slung around Rey for the entirety of the lunch period.

“Hey,” Snap says, “that ‘quiet get-together’ thing was just bullshit, right?”

“Um, no,” Jess says, sounding offended. “Poe is our friend and we should respect his wishe— oh my God, I’m sorry, I couldn’t even say it with a straight face. What do you think? Nine o’clock, pizza, alcohol.”

“We should invite Connix and all her friends,” Snap says, counting people off on his fingers. “The whole team, obviously. Karé and Iolo. Finn, you can’t tell him anything.”

“It’s like a surprise party?” Finn says, glancing between them. He seems excited just to be included.

“More like a disappointment party,” Jess says. “’Cause he’s gonna be mad.”

“He’s not going to be mad,” Rey says, turning to Jess. They’re so entangled that when Rey turns to look at her she bumps her nose on the side of Jess’s head. The clinginess might be annoying if they weren’t so adorable. “He’s going to love it, Jess. Best birthday party ever.”

“We should get a bouncy castle!” Jess says.

Finn’s nodding vigorously with approval when Poe gets back to the table. “What are you guys talking about?”

Jess says, “Game of Thrones,” at the exact moment that Snap says, “The Kardashians.”

There’s a split second of silence before Finn covers with, “We were wondering whether the Kardashians watch Game of Thrones.”

“And I said that I think Kim does,” Rey says, scrambling, “and then Snap— Snap said no, she’s too busy, but that Kylie—”

“That Kylie might,” Snap finishes. “You know, she just seems like the kind of person who’s, like, a closeted deep fantasy geek.”

Poe glances between the four of them like he’s trying to decide whether to buy the story or not. Finally, he puts his pizza on the table, sits down, and says, “The real question is which Game of Thrones characters would watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”

That afternoon, Rey follows Jess to her locker like a puppy dog. “So,” she says, leaning against the wall as Jess tosses her things haphazardly in, “you wanna hang out?”

“Well, _yes_ ,” Jess says, grabbing her duffel out of the locker, “but I have to go to practice.” She pouts.

“You need to practice hanging out?” Rey jokes, sounding cocky. “’Cause I can show you how it’s done.”

Jess slams her locker door and smirks at her. “I have _lacrosse_ practice,” she sighs, tangling her arms around Rey’s neck. She kisses her lightly. “But you can come sit in the bleachers and watch me.” She kisses Rey again. “ _Or_ we could just go _under_ the bleachers and make out.”

The idea does sound tempting. “You have to go to practice,” Rey tells her, shoulders slumping. “Aren’t you guys playing Cameron High next week?”

“Aw, we can take ’em,” Jess says, swinging her duffel over her shoulder. “But, seriously, you should come and watch. You can work on your homework. I’ll drive you home.”

“Umm,” Rey says, pretending to think about it. “Okay!”

“Okay,” Jess grins, and slides her hand into Rey’s as they walk down the hallway.

When they spot Kylo Ren at the end of the hall, they both stutter to a stop. Jess tries to turn them around. “Come on,” she mumbles, “we don’t need to deal with that asshole.”

“Hold up,” Rey says, “I’m going to go talk to him.”

“ _What_?” But Rey’s already slipping away from Jess and advancing down the hallway. Kylo looks startled. Jess watches from afar as Rey confronts her cousin. She can’t hear what they’re saying, but they look relaxed enough. Kylo nods at the end of their conversation and then heads in the other direction, and Jess hurries to catch up with Rey. “What was that about?”

“Nothing,” Rey shrugs. “Come on, you’re gonna be late.”

When Rey gets home there’s a familiar silver car parked in the driveway, and she sprints the rest of the way inside. “Grandma?”

“Is that my little Rey of sunshine?” Padmé Amidala stands by the kitchen counter with Luke, sporting a stunning dress. Rey doesn’t know anyone else with a grandma so fashion-conscious.

“What are you doing here?” Rey says, running to hug her.

Padmé squeezes her tight and kisses the top of her head. “I had a meeting near here earlier today,” she explains, “so I thought I’d stop by and have dinner with you all.”

“Han and Leia are coming over later,” Luke tells her. “And Kylo.”

His mother shoots him a glance, like she has a million questions about Kylo Ren, but she keeps them to herself for the moment. “What’s for dinner?”

“It’s a surprise,” Luke says, flipping through the recipe book on the counter. “Because I haven’t picked something out yet.”

“I told you you could just order a pizza,” Padmé says.

“No way.” Luke flips a page. “I am cooking you an excellent dinner… so long as it has a short preparation time and shorter cook time. Ooh, maybe a salad.”

At that moment, Wedge walks in with a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, a bag of produce, and a bottle of wine. “Luke!” he calls. “I got it covered!”

“Oh, thank you, dear,” Padmé says, and hugs him. “That looks wonderful.”

“I’m making green beans,” Wedge says, ruffling his daughter’s hair and giving his husband a kiss before slipping into the kitchen to work.

While Wedge and Luke cook in the kitchen, Rey drags her grandmother into the family room and tells her all about school, about Jessika, about her first high school party. Padmé tells her stories about the Senate, about Bail, about her wacky secretary Jar Jar.

Padmé is halfway through twisting her granddaughter’s hair into fancy buns when Han and Leia arrive, Kylo sulking behind them. The veggies are done almost immediately afterward, so Rey sits through dinner with half her hair done and the other half hanging loose.

Leia has plenty of stories as they eat, stories about students acting out and stepping up, stories Rey hasn’t even heard. Han talks politics with his mother-in-law and Luke tries fruitlessly to engage his nephew in conversation.

When Kylo Ren tries to stalk away from the table after inhaling his food, things get tense.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Han says, glancing up from his food.

Kylo stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I’m done eating, I was going to walk home.”

“You’re not excused,” Han says, standing up to face him. “We’re all talking and enjoying each other’s company still, right? Sit back down.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Ben—”

 _“Don’t call me that_ ,” he shouts, slamming his fist down on the table. Everyone freezes.

Finally, Han nods and sits back down and says, “Fine, go home.” He does, leaving silverware clinking in awkward silence. The door slams in his wake. Han won’t look up from his plate. “I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t,” Leia says, shaking her head. “Just… don’t.”

Everyone finishes eating, Wedge feebly attempting small talk the whole time. Padmé gives a final hug to everyone, squeezing her daughter extra tight, before she goes to drive home. Luke asks Leia if she wants to stick around, but it seems that she and Han lost all their energy when their son walked out the door.

“Thanks for having us,” Leia sighs, wrapping her brother in a loose, one-armed hug. “Wedge, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you,” Wedge says. “And— I’m really sorry about, um…”

“It’s fine,” Leia says, but it’s not. It hasn’t been for a long time. None of them know what to do to make it fine again. No one even knows if going back is possible. “Goodnight.”

Han waves goodbye and follows his wife out to the car.

By the time they get home, Kylo’s already in bed.

They don’t know that he’s in bed lying awake, staring at the ceiling, replaying that moment at dinner over and over in his mind. His father staring him down, how he slammed his fist on the table, how he yelled.

In his mind, he sees both his uncles look at him like deer in headlights, he sees Rey, astonished, with a full mouth of green beans. He sees his mother, her sad eyes, her stern mouth.

And he sees what no one else saw, when he slammed his fist on the table. He sees his grandmother flinch.

He sees his grandmother flinch and he sees the unbridled fear in her eyes, old fear. Older than him. Now, because of him.

Kylo Ren can hardly sleep that night.

On Thursday morning, Lando gets ambushed by Kylo Ren waiting in his office.

“How did you get in here?” he says, setting his coffee thermos down on his desk.

Kylo’s sitting patiently in the seat in front of the desk. “My mom has keys for every room in this building.”

“And she let you use them, right?” Lando says, cocking an eyebrow. Kylo actually has the composure to look a little guilty, which is new. “Alright,” Lando says, flopping down in his chair. “What’s going on, Kylo?”

He cuts right to the chase. “I don’t want to be like my granddad,” he says, looking down at his hands. “He’s… he’s got a lot of issues. And I don’t know how he got that way but I know I could be just like him. And… and I don’t want that, Mr. Calrissian.”

Lando sighs, taps his pen on his desk, thinks. It’s a small miracle that Kylo actually sought out help. Hell, it’s a medium-sized miracle. And it’ll be a miracle if Lando can think of the words to say to help him, and to keep him asking for help. “You know,” he says finally, speaking slowly, “sometimes we repress things. Big things, bad things. We repress them so we don’t have to think about them anymore, and then we think we’ll be just fine. But the big bad things are still there. And when we ignore them, they just… they just get bigger and badder.”

Kylo Ren nods, still looking down at his hands. “How?”

“Well,” Lando says, and damn, he’s usually dealing with dress code violations. This is out of his experience and out of his comfort zone, but it feels like his responsibility now. For whatever reason, Kylo Ren trusts him. “Well,” Lando says again, “when I was in my twenties… You know, like last week.” He winks. “When I was in my twenties, my best friend Lo got injured. Brain damage. It was awful.” He’s a little surprised at himself, delving into his own personal life. It strikes him suddenly how important it is to him that someone learn from his mistakes. “Except I acted like nothing was different. Sometimes I just ignored him. I ignored the pain he was in, because I couldn’t take it. Kylo, sometimes ‘fake it til you make it’ doesn’t work. Sometimes you have to admit that you’re upset about something, and that it’s real, and that you need to deal with it.”

And suddenly, it’s like he’s there again. Kylo can feel the steering wheel spinning uncontrollably beneath his fingers, can feel the tires skidding on the road, can hear the rain and the horn and his own scream. The crunch of metal. The sirens.

“I’m not dealing with it,” Kylo Ren admits. Finally, finally. “I’m not okay.”

“Okay,” Lando says, and he nods. “That’s a start.” Just then the bell rings, and Kylo instinctively grabs the strap of his backpack. “Alright, you should head to class. But I’m glad you came to talk to me.”

“Right,” Kylo says, standing up and moving for the door. At the last second he turns back and looks at the counselor. “With you and your friend… did everything turn out alright in the end?”

“Oh,” says Lando, glancing down at the old wedding band on his left hand, “yeah, everything turned out alright in the end.”


	11. If You Can Dodge A Wrench

During gym, Rey notices a conspicuous crowd in the gym, way more students than usual. “Alright,” her dad calls, clapping his hands for attention as he stands at the center of the gymnasium. “Coach Nunb is sick at home today, so we’re combining the gym classes. Now, unfortunately, we don’t have the equipment for all of us to play basketball. So…” Wedge leans down and picks up a red gator ball and tosses it to Max Rebo. “We’re playing dodgeball. Don’t make me regret this.”

At that moment, Jess slides in late, running to join her class on the opposite side of the gym. Rey spots her and waves across the distance, and Jess beams back at her. When she leans forward to ask a classmate what they’re going to be doing, though, her expression shifts.

She looks up to meet Rey’s eyes across the gymnasium, her jaw set, and she mimes emphatically that she’s going to fucking obliterate her. And then she makes a little heart with her hands and points to Rey.

Rey makes a throat-cutting gesture at her and then grabs a dodgeball. The whistle blows.

The game starts up mild and quickly escalates, with Wedge standing in the corner of the gym burying his face in his hands. Jess and Ello Asty gang up on Max and pummel him. Rey’s got a great aim and manages to hit three kids on the other side, none of them Jess.

When Jess comes close to smacking Rey with a dodgeball, Rey spins on her heel at the last second and snatches it in her hand. Even from across the gym, she can see from the look on Jessika’s face that she’s impressed.

Students pile up in the bleachers until Rey’s alone on her side, facing Jess and Ello. She zips around for a few seconds, frantically dodging everything they throw at her, and then she nails Ello right in the stomach. He sulks off to the bleachers.

And then there were two.

“You’re going down, Antilles.”

“What was that?” Wedge calls.

“Sorry, sir,” Jess says, slinking along as she eyes her opponent. “Talking to that one.” Rey and Jess both throw a ball at the same time. They both dodge. The game continues.

“We could just stop right now,” Wedge suggests. “Call it a tie—”

“ _No!_ ” they both yell in unison. Jess scoops up a gator ball, acts like she’s going from the left and swings it from the right.  Rey jumps out of the way at the last second and ducks to grab her own ball.

“I’m gonna make you eat those words, Testor.”

“Honey,” Wedge says, “if you’re going to trash talk, you have to do it better than that, okay?”

Rey and Jess both take aim and let their dodgeballs fly at the same moment. They zoom through the air, and despite the way Rey spins to avoid the one coming for her, and despite the way Jess drops to the floor, both of them get hit.

Wedge blows his whistle. “Good game, ladies, good game.”

“Who got hit first?” Rey says.

“ _She_ did,” Jess announces indignantly, and then turns to Rey. “You totally did!”

“Did _not_.”

“Did _too_.”

“Really a fountain of wit here,” Wedge mumbles. Thankfully, the bell rings and everyone begins exiting the gym, Jess and Rey lagging behind as they argue. Wedge snags his daughter’s sleeve as she nears the door. “For the record,” he says, with a sideways grin, “you got hit first, kiddo.”

“Ha!”

“ _Dad_. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“There are no sides in dodgeball,” he says solemnly. “I mean… so, there _are_ , but—”

“Bye, Dad.”

That afternoon, Finn’s studying at Poe’s house— which, granted, isn’t very conducive to any actual studying getting done— when Poe’s mother Shara Bey swings in the front door singing loudly, a reusable shopping bag hanging from her elbow. “Hello,” she says to BB-8, scratching her behind the ears. The little dog _yiffs_ excitedly and accidentally runs into Poe’s guitar where it leans against the living room wall. “And _hello_ ,” she says to Poe and Finn as she draws near the kitchen table. “Who’s this?”

“I’m Poe, Mom,” Poe tells her. “Remember?” He sports a cocky grin and chuckles a little at his own joke.

“Oh, you be quiet,” she says, swatting him lightly on the side of the head. After setting her groceries on the kitchen counter, she turns expectantly back to the table.

“Oh,” Finn says with a cough. “I’m Finn.”

“Nice to meet you, Finn,” she says with a broad smile. It’s clear who Poe inherited his good looks from. She’s got the same deep eyes and the same dark curls, currently escaping from a loose ponytail. “I’m Poe’s mother.”

“It’s good to meet you too,” Finn says warmly, subtly moving his arm to cover the fact that they’ve done a sum total of zero homework.

“So,” Shara says, not watching them as she unpacks the groceries, “Finn, how did you meet Poe?”

Poe grits his teeth. “You can leave now, Mom.”

“Do you pay for this kitchen?”

“…No.”

“So Finn, how did you meet Poe?”

Finn takes a gulp and looks between Poe and his mother, like he’s trying to decide where his allegiance lies. Poe shrugs and shakes his head. “I, uh, got him out of a late pass.”

“Aw,” Shara says, coming over to muss her son’s hair. “My little delinquent.” He steals a package of Oreos out of her hands. “Alright, you two get your homework done. Keep both feet on the floor at all times. Remember— my roof, my rules.”

“Okay, Mom,” Poe says, looking like he’s about to snap the pencil in his hand in half.

“Focus on your studies and not on each other.”

“ _Okay, Mom_.” She smiles and pads away toward the back of the house, leaving her son looking mortified. “Sorry,” he mutters to Finn. “She just, uh, she just comes on a little strong when she thinks she’s being funny.”

“ _I heard that_.”

With no lacrosse practice and no game that week, Jess spends Friday afternoon doing homework in her room with Rey. “I _haaaaate_ math,” she laments, sprawled across the floor, pretending to weep into her textbook. “I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

“Oh, come on,” Rey says, “what kind of talk is that?”

“The truth,” she says with conviction, and then immediately gets distracted by her cat Waxer when he struts past. “Aw, look at him. He’s smiling!”

“He’s not smiling and you’re not doing your homework,” Rey says, snatching the cat away. She’s already got Fives curled up and purring beside her. With Waxer on her other side they look like sphynxes guarding a deity.

Jess notices. “Hey, you look like Cleopatra.”

“No, I don’t,” she says, but Jess is moving across the floor toward her.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jess says, cozying up beside her. “You look better.”

“Shut up,” Rey says, but she doesn’t try to stop her when Jess leans in for a kiss. Their lips meet, Jess’s chapped and Rey’s soft and smooth, fitting together like grooved puzzle pieces. Jess pushes her back against the wall where she’s sitting, her hands sliding up to cup Rey’s face. She kisses Rey once, twice, sighing gently in the breathy space between them.

And then she grabs the notebook out of Rey’s lap and tosses it to a distant corner of her room. “Hey!” Rey scowls, shoving away from Jess. Disturbed, Waxer and Fives flee to the other side of the bedroom. “You tricked me.”

“You’re right I did I’m so sorry I’ll never do it again let’s kiss and make up,” Jess says in one long breath, leaning forward again.

Rey blocks her with a hand. “Nuh-uh,” she says, playfully pushing Jess away from her. She gets up and goes across the room to join the cats. “You don’t get to play with them and you don’t get to play with me ’til you get your homework done.”

“Whaaaaat?” Jess says, grumpy, folding her arms. “You can’t withhold pussy.”

“ _Jessika_.”

“I’m talking about the cats!” she defends herself. And then she snickers. “No, I wasn’t.”

After that, Jess begins working on her math homework in earnest, with Rey offering occasional assistance in between playing with Fives and Waxer. Rey dangles a piece of string in front of Waxer and watches him bat at it and tangle it between his paws while Jess groans loudly and slams her head repeatedly on a textbook.

Eventually, as the sky tinges darker, they hear a horn honking outside. “Yay, it’s Poe,” Jess says, throwing her textbook forcefully onto her bed. “I’m done now.”

Rey checks a text on her phone. “Hey, he says bring a big purse. What do you think that’s for?”

Once they get into Poe’s Hyundai, Finn grabs Jess’s purse immediately and begins filling it with the Dollar Tree candy he has in his lap. “Awesome, you guys.”

“That sweet tooth is gonna get you killed one day, Dameron,” Jessika grumbles, taking her purse back from Finn. With him in the passenger’s seat, she and Rey are squeezed in the backseat— which is really, really not a problem.

“Exactly how would I die from a sweet tooth?” he says, pulling out of the driveway and heading toward the town movie theater. “Explain it to me.”

“Two words,” she says, looking out the window. “Willy Wonka.”

“Oh, you’ve got a point there,” he admits, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he waits for a light to change. “I would dive right into that chocolate fountain. I’d do it. I don’t care.”

“I’d go for the gum,” Jess says.

“The fizzy lifting drink,” Finn says.

Rey glances between all of them. “Hell, I’m going to win,” she says. “I’m getting that gobstopper at the end. I want the whole factory.”

“Goody two shoes,” Jess snorts, shoving her lightly on the side before leaning down to peck her on the cheek. “Too cute for your own good.”

“No grab-assing in my backseat,” Poe warns, and they reach the parking lot.

As it turns out, Poe and Jess stopped by yesterday to get tickets, leaving Rey and Finn to buy the popcorn. They’d argued about what movie to see, Jess and Poe opting for action, Finn wanting to see the latest spy movie, and Rey dead-set on Disney’s newest animal documentary.

Eventually they did rock-paper-scissors and decided on a cheesy looking comedy with Will Ferrell. As they walk across the lobby, all four of them glance up at the same time to see a familiar face exiting a theater— and behind Shara, Kes Dameron.

“I didn’t know your parents were gonna be here,” Jess comments. And then Wedge and Luke walk out from behind Poe’s parents.

“Oh my God,” Poe laments. “Are we on the same double date as our parents?”

Just then Han and Leia file out behind Luke and Wedge. “No, look,” Rey says. “They’re on a triple-date. Totally different.”

“Face it, Poe,” Jess says, clapping him on the shoulder. “We’re lame.” She waves to Poe’s parents.

The movie’s mediocre, but Rey has a good time snuggling up to Jess. Finn and Poe spend the entire movie conspicuously holding hands in the popcorn bucket, which pisses Jess off when she just wants to eat some popcorn.

Poe drops Rey off first, whistling as Jess gives her a goodnight kiss. “See you tomorrow.”

“Right,” Rey says. “At your small birthday get-together.”

Jess and Finn roll their eyes behind Poe’s back— Rey’s not the best of liars. Not that it matters much. They’re pretty sure Poe’s already put it together.

“Yeah,” Poe says, sounding completely unconvinced. “See you then.”


	12. Wipe Away Your Inhibitions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for sexual assault/attempted rape. Not graphic.

Rey’s a sweetheart so she brings Poe a lovingly wrapped gift bedecked with tissue paper and a single elegantly tied ribbon. Everyone else brings booze and gag gifts. Jess shows up with penis-shaped mac and cheese from Spencer’s because she thought it would be funny.

Finn shows up to Snap’s before Poe in his own car with Rey and helps set up streamers and “Happy 8th Birthday!” balloons upon which someone’s added 1’s in Sharpie. There’s a cake that reads in icing “Happy Birthday Poe ‘Hot Damn’ Dameron,” which Finn has to admit is pretty accurate.

Jess is in charge of getting Poe to the party, and even though he guessed it was going to be bigger than his requested small get-together, he’s still shocked at the sheer number of people when they jump out and yell, “Surprise!”

“Aww,” he says, wrapping Jessika in a one-armed hug. “Exactly what I didn’t ask for.”

“You got it, pal-o,” she grins, punching him in the arm. “Happy birthday, Poe.”

“Happy my birthday to you,” he says, kissing her on the top of her head before wandering off to find his boyfriend. The music starts up, raucous party versions of all Poe’s favorite songs.

Of course, before long, “Bop to the Top” gets played.

“Oh, shit,” Jess laughs, dragging Poe into the middle of the floor as they begin their perfectly executed dance routine from _High School Musical_. “ _Show some muscle_ ,” she sings, flexing.

“ _Do the hustle_ ,” Poe belts out the lyrics, sliding across the floor.

“Wow,” Rey comments, watching them with Finn from the corner of the room. “That’s… something.”

“You know,” Finn says, “for the first time in our relationship I feel like the cooler one.”

At the end of their dance routine, Poe grabs a beer, and he’s about to take a sip when the doorbell rings.

“Who _rings_?” Snap grumbles, going to open the door.

Standing on the doorstep is Kylo Ren. “Um,” he says. “Hi. This… Poe’s party?”

“Who the hell invited you?” Snap says, sounding pissed off.

Rey opens her mouth to pipe up from the back of the room but Finn shakes his head at her. Probably best just to keep quiet for now.

“Let him in,” Poe says, going to stand beside Snap. Around the room, people grumble disagreement. “Hey, it’s my birthday. I say he can stay.”

Snap shrugs and shakes his head but steps away from the door. Before long, he wanders off to go talk to Karé.

“Thank you,” Kylo says to Poe, stilted and too formal. As he slides over, he reveals a young redheaded man behind him. “This is, ah, I brought a… friend. Hux. Is that alright?”

“Totally,” Poe says, and maybe it’s a mistake but he’s warm and happy and even if Kylo Ren’s not exactly his best friend anymore it would be nice enough to pretend for a night. “Nice to meet you, Hux. I’m Poe.”

Just then Jess runs up behind him brandishing a shotglass. “Birthday shot, birthday shot,” she chants, handing him the shotglass.

“I’m not doing a birthday shot.”

“It’s either a birthday shot or eighteen birthday punches.”

Poe squints at the shot, closing the door behind Kylo and Hux. “What the hell is this, anyway?”

She considers it for a moment. “Well, it’s… it’s green!”

Poe throws it back as Kylo disappears with his… friend into the throng. Rey keeps an eyes out for him and steers clear for the rest of the night.

She bops around with a couple of Poe’s friends and has a great conversation shouted over the music with Connix, but ultimately she spends the majority of the night with Jess. Not that she’d want it any other way.

“You having a good time?” Jess checks in with her snaking an arm around Rey’s waist as they dance.

“Yeah,” Rey says, stepping from side to side. “It’s fun. More fun than the other party.”

Jess laughs. “Yeah, let’s keep you away from the alcohol this time.” Rey doesn’t mind. She feels buzzed innately, lightheaded as Jess glides lithely around her.

And then a slower song comes on, and Rey can remember the last party, wishing Jess would hold her tight and dance with no space between them, sharing each other’s personal space.

And it happens. Jess tugs her closer and wraps her arms around Rey’s neck, singing lightly along to the song, her lips drawing closer and closer to Rey’s as she does. Rey blushes, a little embarrassed as their hips swing together _right there in front of everyone_ , but she gets over it. She forgets all her embarrassment when Jess kisses her, warm, hot, electrifying.

For a second there, she feels like her feet are being lifted off the floor, and then Jess smiles against her mouth and laughs a little. Just because she’s happy. Just because they’re together.

Poe follows Finn into the kitchen when he goes to get a drink of water, remembering their kiss here a week ago. “You still haven’t given me my present yet,” he says, drawing it out to sound like a playful whine.

“Your present’s on the table out there,” Finn tells him, gesturing. Poe catches him by the hand and pulls himself closer.

“Not _that_ one,” he says, grinning mischievously. And he wraps a hand around Finn’s nice tie and pulls him down for a kiss. “You’re gettin’ better at that every day,” he says with a wink.

“Well,” Finn says, smiling, “I’ve had some practice.”

Just then Ello Asty steps in, rolls his eyes as obviously as he can when he sees them, grabs a box of Chips Ahoy, and walks out.

“See ya, Ello,” Finn chirps, bashful.

“See ya, Finn,” Ello chuckles as he leaves.

“I have to say,” Finn tells Poe, “I didn’t expect I’d get along so well with your friends.” He swallows a sip of water. “So that’s nice.”

“Heh, yeah,” Poe says, looking out at the door. Then he glances back at Finn. “What do you mean, though? Why wouldn’t you get along with them?”

Finn shrugs. “Well, you know.”

Poe raises his eyebrows. “I know what?”

“Just…” Finn sighs and picks at a stray thread on his shirt. “I mean, I focus on academics more, and in my circles, and you in your circles, they’re more about lacrosse, you know. Sports. Parties.”

“Parties that you go to,” Poe points out, bristling a little. It occurs to Finn that maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. “What exactly are you saying, though? You don’t think you’d get along with us because, what, you’re smarter?”

“No!” Finn backtracks. “No, not exactly—”

“Not _exactly_?”

“Not at all,” Finn corrects, but he already feels like he’s said the wrong thing, stuck his foot in his mouth with no chance of recovering it. Somehow, it gets worse. “Poe, it’s just that the lacrosse team and I are on, well, different tracks. Sort of.”

“Different tracks,” Poe repeats, an edge to his voice. “So you think none of us could accomplish anything, then? Because we’re just dumb jocks.”

“Poe,” Finn struggles, but Poe’s already heading for the door. “Wait. Where are you going?”

“Looks like I’m going nowhere,” he retorts, letting the door slam shut.

As soon as he’s stormed off, Poe regrets it. Replaying the argument in his head, it immediately sounds stupid and arbitrary. Hell, it sounded stupid and arbitrary when he was in the middle of it. He takes a minute or two to cool off hanging by Snap, and then he goes off to find Finn and apologize.

But Finn’s already left to go home.

“Shit,” Poe sighs, mixing himself the sweetest drink he can and going to sit on the couch with a wiped-out Rey. Jess is still tearing it up on the dancefloor.

“What happened?” Rey says, looking sleepy. Snap’s couch is kind of gross but she seems comfortable enough on the nest of pillows she’s made.

“I did something stupid.”

Rey snorts. “What else is new?”

Poe glances across the room at where Kylo Ren’s downing his fourth beer, Hux beside him setting his second beer on a coaster. “Why’d you decide to invite him, anyway?”

Rey shrugs. “Needed a peace offering?” she guesses. The truth is, she’s not completely sure. “I dunno. He was your best friend, but he’s still my cousin. He’s always going to be around, and… you know, we did have some good times back in the day.”

“Yeah,” Poe says, and he’s thinking of the treehouse. “Thank you,” he adds, because he hasn’t had a birthday without Ben since he was six years old. The night may be far from perfect, but at least there’s that.

The party winds down, people gradually carpooling or getting rides or just plain crashing beside Poe and Rey on Snap’s couch. There’s still music thumping and people dancing, though, when Poe heads upstairs to get some peace and quiet. At _his_ birthday party, he thinks, annoyed. He wishes he hadn’t messed that up.

As he passes by Snap’s bedroom, he hears someone moving around, muffled voices. _Well_ , he shrugs. A party is a party. Kids will be kids. He’s heading for the rec room, where it’s dark and there’s another couch, when suddenly his feet stop cold.

The muffled voices coming from the other side of the door aren’t _happy_. They’re pissed off, violent-sounding, accentuated by a soft thumping sound that might be someone being pushed back against the bed. And one of the voices is familiar.

The door’s not actually latched all the way, so Poe eases it open a crack without making a sound. Leaning close, he can hear everything that’s happening in the room.

“— bored and this party’s awful,” Hux is saying, voice low and rough. “Come on, Ren, fifteen minutes.”

“No,” Kylo mumbles, sounding small. “Not now, let’s just… let’s just go back downstairs.”

“Shy all of a sudden?” Hux says, and Poe can hear him kissing a line up Kylo’s jaw, and then shuffling, movement, maybe Kylo pushing away. More ruffling of clothes, an intake of air— Hux grabbing him and not letting go. “You are getting on my last nerve.”

“Stop it.” Kylo actually has more force in his voice now, and Hux responds by deftly undoing Kylo’s belt and unzipping his pants. “ _Stop it_.” Poe can hear Kylo pushing him away, but he’s skinny and drunk and not a match for Hux.

Poe legs feel like lead until he finally makes up his mind to move, and then he bursts in the room, eyes blazing. “Get the hell off of him.”

“Mind your own business,” Hux snaps, but Poe’s eyes are on Kylo, looking afraid, still with Hux’s hand on his waistband. “Close the door.”

“Poe—” Kylo starts, but Hux grabs his wrist and _twists_. Kylo cuts off.

“Get the hell off of him,” Poe says again, his voice even, “or I’m calling the fucking police.”

And Hux evidently doesn’t want a tangle with the cops, so he rolls his eyes and lets go, letting Kylo stumble and fall onto the corner of the bed.

Hux leaves, which is a shame because Poe’s itching to call the cops on him.

Poe listens for the front door downstairs to slam, indicating that Hux is gone for good. He knew the guy for two hours and didn’t ever get his first name. Still, he’s never in his life wanted to punch another person in the face as much as he does right now.

While Poe’s waiting for the rage to filter out of his veins, for his thudding pulse to slow, Kylo buttons up his jeans with sweat beading on his forehead.  He picks himself up off the bed, knees wobbling, and Poe watches him.

“You okay?” he says.

Kylo nods. “I’m fine.”

“Of course you are,” Poe sighs, and Kylo remembers Lando saying the same thing. “Come on, let’s go back downstairs.”

As the two of them make their way down the empty hall, Kylo Ren starts to shake, his breathing getting more rapid. Poe glances over as they near the stairs to see that Kylo’s white as a sheet. Kylo catches his concerned gaze. “I’m—”

“You’re _not_ fine.”

“I know,” he says, breathing in and out. “I’m having, um, an anxiety attack.”

“Okay,” Poe says, glancing around. “Okay, okay. _Shit_. Okay. Come on, let’s just sit you down, okay? You’re gonna be okay. God, I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Kylo mumbles as Poe helps him into the dark rec room. “Guy was an asshole. Shouldn’t’ve been dating him.”

“Shit,” Poe says again, lowering Kylo onto the couch. He takes a seat on the ottoman in front of Kylo, his outline just barely visible in the dim room. “We can get the police on his ass, alright?”

“Don’t bother,” Kylo says, his chest rising and falling too quickly. “Just forget it. He’s a piece of shit.”

“ _Exactly_ ,” Poe says, “which is why we need to—”

“Just forget it,” Kylo cuts him off, trembling. Poe tries to help, running his hands up and down Kylo’s arms like he’s trying to warm him up. “Just forget it,” Kylo says again, his voice thick.

They go on like that for a while, Kylo shaking and Poe repeating _It’s okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you_.

And then at one point Kylo blurts out, “It’s not my fault.”

Poe feels jarred. “No,” he says immediately, “it’s not your fault. Don’t ever think that, okay? Like you said, Hux is a piece of shit—”

“Not that,” he shudders out, “not that.” Kylo Ren breathes in and out twice, as slowly as he can manage, but he still sounds breathless and shaky when he speaks. “The— it was raining so hard. And I couldn’t see. And the old man, he just… he just swerved right out in front of me and _I couldn’t see_ and I didn’t have any control of the car and it was raining so hard, I didn’t know, I couldn’t stop it…” Tears cloud his eyes, but he chokes most of them down. “ _It’s not my fault._ ”

Poe remembers the night they got the call. This past January, when it was dark and cold and rainy, and all he wanted to do was watch TV and sleep. Luke called them, breathless, saying that Ben was in the hospital and that he’d been in an accident. That the school librarian, Lor San Tekka, was dead-on-arrival.

The last proper conversation Poe had with his best friend was in that damn hospital.

“No,” Poe says slowly. “No, that wasn’t your fault,” he promises. He knows that he’s telling the truth and he hopes that Kylo knows it.

Kylo Ren doesn’t speak for a long time, breathing in and out, in and out, until he finally seems to calm down. “All clear,” he mutters, and Poe smiles.

Before he and his parents moved across town a few years ago, he and Ben used to be next-door neighbors. Ben had bad night terrors, but he would never share them with his parents. Late at night when he would wake up, scared and alone, he’d grab his flashlight and send a Morse message into Poe’s bedroom window.

Poe always used to stay up reading, so he’d respond immediately with his own flashlight, and they’d converse in Morse code until Ben had calmed down. And then he’d send “all clear.”

“I’m sorry,” Kylo says, barely audible. “Poe. I’m so, so sorry.”

Poe wants to tell him there’s nothing to apologize for but that’s not exactly true. There are things Kylo _should_ apologize for; there are things Kylo probably thinks are his fault that he doesn’t need to apologize for. It’s all a tangled mess.

“I know,” Poe says, because what the hell else is there to say? “Come on, let’s go downstairs.”


	13. John Hughes Did Not Direct My Life

Downstairs, the party’s almost dead. Poe finds Jess and Rey on the couch making out, completely oblivious to the outside world. “Guys?” Nothing. “Jess? Rey?” Either they’re ignoring him or they really are enthralled with each other. Poe pretends to look out the window. “Oh my God, is that Gillian Anderson?”

Both of them perk up and jerk apart. Poe snickers. “Asshole,” Jess says, smacking him lightly. From her perch on the couch, the highest part of him she can reach is his elbow. “Don’t ever get my hopes up like that again.”

“Come on, kiddos,” Poe says, Kylo standing awkwardly beside him. “Bedtime for bozos. Who’s sober?”

“I am,” Rey says haughtily.

“Who’s sober and has a valid driver’s license?”

“I got this,” Jess says, pushing herself off the couch and then helping Rey up. “Okay, so I’m taking the three of us home… Kylo?” She draws it out, still very confused about how everyone stands.

“Oh, no thank you,” he says, almost too polite, like he’s trying to make up for… everything. “I think I’m going to call my dad for a ride.”

Rey doesn’t think her cousin’s had a conversation with his dad that hasn’t ended in yelling in almost a year. Tonight might make for a nice change.

Kylo pulls her aside as they’re collecting their coats and things. “Rey,” he says, his voice low, apologetic. “This probably isn’t the best time, but I… I don’t know. It’s been a night. For me. And I just wanted to let you know that I’m really sorry for everything. For this past year. For shoving you.” Rey just nods; she doesn’t know what to say. Kylo doesn’t either, really, until he remembers something Lando said. “And I’m… I’m sorry for being a shithead,” he tells her. “Just… in general. I have been, I know that.” He cracks the tiniest, tiniest of grins that doesn’t reach his eyes.

Rey smiles at him. “Thanks,” she says, and they bob awkwardly for a moment before going in for a weird one-armed hug.

Poe tries to thank Snap but he’s nowhere to be found, so he grabs up his bag of gifts and heads for the door, Jess and Rey tailing him. At the last minute, Poe turns back and gives Kylo a hug.

Kylo Ren stiffens, uncertain, but then he carefully hugs Poe back. “You okay?” Poe says into his ear. Kylo just nods.

Poe doesn’t hear from him all day Sunday, but he’s not too worried. He’s too preoccupied figuring out how he’s going to apologize to Finn.

On Sunday night, Jess comes over to have dinner with Rey’s family and Luke stresses all day trying to decide what to cook.

In the end, he decides on a spinach salad and salmon filets. Served with what looks like blue milk. “Dad,” Rey says, leaning over the counter, seconds before Jess is supposed to arrive. “What the heck is this?”

“Oh, it’s great,” he says, passing a glass to her. “My aunt’s recipe. Ice cream and blue raspberry soda.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy.”

“It’s not,” Wedge says from the table, downing half his glass in one gulp. “Tasty, though.”

The doorbell rings.

“Okay, okay,” Rey says, her hands flitting over her outfit. “You two, behave.”

“Got it,” Luke says, shooting her two thumbs up. “Wedge, you got the baby albums?”

Rey makes a choking noise and goes to answer the door. Jessika looks stunning as always in a simple sweater and skirt combo, her hair braided tightly behind her head. “Hey,” Jess grins, leaning in for a quick kiss. “Oof, I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be,” Rey says. “They’re so lame.”

Rey takes her hand and heads for the kitchen.

On Monday morning, Kylo Ren is waiting in Calrissian’s office again.

“Damn, kid,” Lando says, jumping a little when he flips the light on. “You could at least tidy up or something if you’re gonna keep hanging out in here so early.” He sets his lunch on the file cabinet in the corner and takes a seat behind his desk, folding his hands expectantly. “So? What’s up?”

Kylo swallows. “I,” he starts, and then he has to take a moment. “I want to talk about the accident,” he says.

Lando leans back in his chair, his old joints protesting. “Okay.”

At lunch, Poe comes marching into the cafeteria with the entirety of the school’s band behind him brandishing their instruments. He’s holding his guitar.

“Poe,” Jess says, standing up. “What the hell are you doing?”

His eyes look bright and a little feverish, and his fingers twitch over the frets of his guitar. “Anybody seen Finn?” he says, ignoring her question.

“I think I saw him at his locker this morning,” Rey says unhelpfully, using Jess’s distraction to steal a chicken nugget from her tray.

“Great,” Poe says, running a hand through his hair. “Anyone seen Finn in the past twenty minutes?” His friends all shake their heads no, and Poe starts to pace irritably. “Well, he’s gotta be somewhere, right? Where is he? Where is he?”

A hand comes down on his shoulder. “Right here.”

Poe whips around so fast he almost breaks his neck. Finn’s standing behind him looking uncomfortable, his shoulders tense in Poe’s lacrosse jacket. “Hey,” he says, his face breaking into a relieved smile. “Finn, I’m so sorry. I was an _idiot_. I know you’re not some kind of snob. I know you don’t think you’re better than me. Even though… heh, you _are_ better than me.”

“Poe, _I’m_ sorry,” Finn says, almost argumentative. His eyebrows pull up, concerned, and his big eyes look so genuine. “I was nervous and I said the complete wrong thing.”

“So did I!” Poe steadies his guitar. “And wait, just— just hear me out. I’m sorry and I’m gonna prove it to you.” He strums his guitar.

Before the marching band can join in, Finn blanches and grabs Poe’s wrist. “Wha- what are you doing?”

“‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You,’” Poe grins.

“N-no, no, no, no, no,” he splutters. “Please don’t.”

“What?”

“Poe,” Finn says quietly, looking frantic. “I can’t have people staring at me. I really can’t. This is bad enough right now,” he says, gesturing at the expectant cafeteria full of people watching them with mild interest. “It’s— we’re good! I forgive you!” He kisses him. “ _Please_ don’t make me part of a scene.”

“Okay,” Poe says, nodding. “Okay. It’s okay. I won’t.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Finn breathes, and kisses him again, this time slower, more insistent. It’s a kiss that says _I was an idiot_ and _You were an idiot_ and _First dumb fight done, now we’re ready for the next one_. Poe nudges their noses together, catches Finn’s bottom lip.

When they finally leave each other’s personal bubbles, the lacrosse table applauds, Jess wolf-whistling. Finn ducks his head, embarrassed but grinning. “Happy late birthday,” he says.

“So, uh,” Max Rebo pipes up from the band. “Are we playing or not? ’Cause Dameron promised us he’d get us all dates for homecoming if we played for him but if that’s off…”

“Sorry, guys,” Finn says.

“Wait.” Poe shifts his guitar again, and then notices Finn watching him with worried eyes. “Don’t worry, babe, you’re off the hook,” he grins, pecking him on the cheek. And then he goes to speak with the band privately for a few moments.

When that’s done, the band members all pick up their instruments and get ready. Poe starts to play.

“What on God’s green earth is your boyfriend doing?” Jess asks Finn as they watch Poe hop up onto a table, still strumming his guitar.

Finn just shrugs. And then he mutters with a smile, “That’s my boyfriend.”

“ _You’ll say_ ,” Poe opens his mouth to sing, “ _we’ve got nothing in common. No common ground to start from, and we’re falling apart.”_  Gradually, he makes his way across the cafeteria, hopping from table to table as he plays and sings. “ _You'll say the world has come between us. Our lives have come between us still I know you just don't care._ ”

As people clear out of his way, suddenly everyone can see who he’s singing to— Kylo Ren, sitting alone in the corner of the cafeteria with a carton of chocolate milk frozen in his hand halfway to his mouth. His eyes are fixed on Poe.

That’s when the marching band joins in.

“ _And I said, ‘What about breakfast at Tiffany's?’ She said, ‘I think I remember the film. And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it.’_ ” Poe jumps over someone’s salad to land on the next table, all the while advancing toward Kylo Ren.  “ _And I said, ‘Well, that's the one thing we've got.’_ ”

As his act continues, gradually people around the cafeteria who went to middle school with the two of them remember that talent show, Poe playing his guitar with a fervor and Kylo— Ben, then—clutching the microphone like it’s a security blanket as he warbles out the lyrics.

“ _I see you, the only one who knew me_ ,” Poe sings, strumming his guitar. Teachers and administrators, as well as curious students, have started flooding the halls to see why the band’s playing, what’s going on. “ _And now your eyes see through me. I guess I was wrong. So what now? It's plain to see we're over. And I hate when things are over when so much is left undone.”_

“ _And I said, ‘What about breakfast at Tiffany's?’ She said, ‘I think I remember the film. And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it.’ And I said, ‘Well, that's the one thing we've got.’_ ” Poe makes one final leap and reaches Kylo’s table. Even though everyone can hear him, it’s clear he’s playing for an audience of one.

“ _You’ll say that we've got nothing in common. No common ground to start from and we're falling apart.”_ Memories flash through him all at once— the middle school talent show, riding bikes in the cul-de-sac, passing around a Capri Sun in the treehouse with Rey, the accident, Hux, Ben aiming his flashlight through his window. “ _You'll say the world has come between us. Our lives have come between us. Still I know you just don't care.”_ He strums, starting to sound a little desperate even as the marching band backs him.

Kylo’s just staring at him, impossible to read. Poe keeps playing his guitar, waiting. Waiting for his best friend to come back.

And then Kylo jumps up from his seat and belts out the chorus with him. “ _And I said, ‘What about breakfast at Tiffany's?’ She said, ‘I think I remember the film. And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it.’ And I said, ‘Well, that's the one thing we've got.’_ ”

Poe grins from ear to ear and keeps playing, the two of them singing louder and louder, with the cafeteria beginning to clap along.

That’s when Principal Organa storms out of her office, Steve Threepio trailing behind her. “Alright, what’s going on now?”

“And what is that dreadful noise?” Threepio asks, actually putting his hands over his ears. Deetoo follows behind them singing along to the song.

“It’s a _zoo_ ,” Leia exclaims, stomping into the cafeteria. The band is still playing and everyone’s singing and clapping. “Everyone _stop it._ This is a _school_ , for—”

But Han grabs her arm and quiets her. She didn’t even see him walk up. “Leia,” he says softly, pointing across the cafeteria. “Look.” There’s Poe still on the table, and standing on the floor in front of him— their son, singing with him just like sixth grade. “Leia, he’s _smiling_.”

And so they stand there, and they watch. Rey and Jess have their arms around each other and they’re dancing in place. Wedge comes out of the gym to watch the whole thing unfolding. Threepio’s strutting around the cafeteria trying to hand out detentions to anyone contributing to the noise, but the kids start calling him Footloose and booing him.

“Why is Poe Dameron standing on a table?” Wedge asks, going to stand beside his sister-in-law.

Leia shrugs. “He likes to be tall.”

_And I said, ‘What about breakfast at Tiffany's?’ She said, ‘I think I remember the film. And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it.’ And I said, ‘Well, that's the one thing we've got.’_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darn, that's the end.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who read this fic, enjoying, kudos-ing, commenting along the way. Hope you all had as much fun as I did!!


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